My Little Girls

The first week I taught them, they were so shy, but they had so much fun. They just love dancing. And at the end of class, before she left, Kylie ran over and gave me a hug. It was so cute. That week, I fell in love with dancing all over again.

For Christmas, the same girl (Kylie) got me the cutest thing. It's a necklace that she made. It's a Book of Mormon that even opens up, and inside, she wrote "Good luck on your mission! CTR CTR." I wear it all the time, because I love it so much. You've probably seen it, too; I love showing it off to everyone.

When I got my call, I asked them all where they thought I was going to go. Every single one of them said Ireland. After I opened my call, they asked where it was that I was going. I told them North Carolina and they were all disappointed it wasn't Ireland. It was so funny. They love North Carolina, now, though, because. One girl says it's her favorite state, besides Florida.

One week, we were talking about Celtic Celebration. Megan asked if there would be hot dogs there. I was like, "What? Nope ..." But then, I told them I would send them something from North Carolina, since I wouldn't be able to be there. I told them I'd send candy or something. They protested and told me they wanted me to send them hot dogs, not candy. I told them I couldn't send hot dogs in the mail, that's gross. They wanted them anyways. It was hilarious.

One week, we were practicing our second step. We had just learned it and were going to try it with music. Fiona, one of the oldest and best dancers in the class started acting weird, so I went over to ask if she was okay. I was worried she'd hurt herself or something. When I asked if she was alright, she started crying, and couldn't stop. She told me, "I don't know the step," and it broke my heart. I walked through it again with them, and I tried to talk to her about it afterwards. She didn't want to talk about it, I think she was embarrassed she had started crying. We've been good friends ever since, though.

For Christmas, I got them all the Willow Tree Irish Dancer, because I want them to keep dancing forever. One girl, Cienna, gave me the cutest thank you note in the world. She told me in the note how much she loved dancing, that she practiced everyday, and that she loved me. It melted my heart to my toes. I love her. She is so tiny, and really shy. She loves reading, though, and so I gave her Ella Enchanted. That's my favorite book and she loved it. We would talk about it every week at dance until she finished it. The week I gave it to her, I was going to work right after dance. I waited for all the girls to be picked up and then started for work. Cienna, though, had just started walking instead of waiting for her parents to pick her up. I was driving along 126th when I saw her, this tiny girl, her nose in the book. It was so cute. I took her home, but it was still cute.

Every week that I teach them, I feel so blessed. I love them, each and every one, so much. I would go to the ends of the earth for any of them. I cannot wait until I have kids of my own that I can teach dance to. They say the funniest things and they all love dance so much. It's so fun to me to get to create the base for them, to tell them what Irish dancers do and how they walk on stage. It's so fun to watch them dance their steps and improve their leap 23's. I just love everything about it. It breaks my heart to think that I'll be leaving them soon, to another teacher. Luckily, we only have good teachers at ADC. It still breaks my heart, though, because their my little girls. I love them.

Can I vent for just two seconds?

Thanks. 

I am so sick of people. Can I just not talk to anyone for the two months before my mission, please? Don't text me, don't call me, don't expect me to drop my whole life and whatever I'm doing because you want to chat about what you're up to and how I'm doing. Do not ask me on a date, do NOT hold my hand, none of this please. Don't tell me how I'm messing up my life and living it wrong and making all the wrong choices. I am doing FINE. Yes, I pray everyday, about all the things you're telling me to pray about. Calm yourself down. I am FINE. I do not need you to tell me that every little thing I do is going to ruin my future and that I had better rethink and go back and pray about it. I do not need you telling me how excited I should be for my mission and I do not need you telling me that you want me to stay home from my mission. I don't, I promise. Just let me be. I'm twenty-years-old. I can handle it. And if I can't, then the mistakes I make, aren't they my mistakes to make? I mean, really. I'm not old, and probably not mature, but I'm trying. I try to do what I know is right, I try to keep up on everything, I try to help around the house, I try to help my friends (especially Jon) be better people, I try to follow the Spirit. I mess up, I know, but that's okay. It is. And also, I'm going on a mission. For sure. So freaking boys need to freaking leave me alone. 

That's all. Thanks for letting me rant. 

P.S. It's probably okay if Jon talks to me. And Ashley and Tayler. And my dance class. But that's it. No one else. Sorry. See ya in two years?

Big news!

I'm engaged! I even have a ring.
Okay, so maybe I'm not actually engaged. But I still have a ring, and he is my best friend.

I've been missing Jeremy tons lately. I think it's because I went on a double date with his brother Zac. It was eerily similar in a lot of ways to Jeremy and my double dating days. It almost made me want to cry.

The new semester starts on Monday (SLCC starts a week later than everyone else?), but I can't take classes. Finals aren't until the first week of May and I leave the first week of April. I am taking three institute classes, though, which I'm really excited about. I'm extra excited because they're at night, which means I won't close at work hardly ever anymore. I love the people who close, but I am not a fan of actually closing ...

It'll be nice to have a little bit of time. My schedule is still pretty busy, but it's way more open than last semester, plus I don't have homework to worry about. Halle-freakin-lujah.

And, I started my application to BYU. I am applying for Spring semester, and I hope, hope, hope with all my heart to get in. If I do, the I'll defer and go there Winter semester after my mission. If not, then I'll apply for Winter semester when I get home and hopefully get in then. Oh, it would so great if I could go there and be on their folk dance team.

That's my life right now. Yep, it's basically the same as before. And I still like it.

I've had my moments ...

Have you ever heard the song Moments by Emerson? I used to listen to the words and wonder ... have I had my moments?

"Moments"

I was coming to the end of a long, long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I've had my moments

 

I always wanted to do something ... grand. Something big, and important. I think we all feel that way at times.And I always felt that I had failed. I hadn't had my moments, I hadn't ever done anything that would ever matter. Today, though, I realized something. I think I have them more than I ever knew before. 

Every time I run two miles without stopping, even though the whole time, I want to quit. 

Every time I reach another thousand words while writing. 

Every time I don't snap at someone when I'm upset. 

Every time I smile at a customer when we're three hours behind closing at work. 

Every time actually practice dance on my own. 

Every time I concentrate on my scripture study and really learn. 

Every time I do something hard, even though it's small, that's a victory for me. Usually, no one knows about it. In fact, my biggest triumphs happen when I'm completely alone. I will never get a medal or receive applause or become famous by doing any of these things. But that's not why I do them; I don't want that, because then, it wouldn't be as true a victory for me. When I do these hard things, just for me and no one else, just because it's hard, that's when it's my moment. 

So yeah, I've had my moments.