I went home that night buzzing. I couldn't sleep. I wrote in my journal, in regards to my desire to be on the BYU folk dance team, "I have never wanted anything so badly in my life."
A few months later, I found out I hadn't made it into BYU. I was crushed for half a moment before my best friend, who was sitting by my side when I opened the rejection email, took my mind off it. Later, when talking with my mom and aunt, I decided that I would attend BYU. I was determined.
I worked hard my first year at college and got really good grades. After a number of plan changes, I applied again to BYU. I will never forget the feeling I got when I opened the email and read that I had been accepted.
I started school at BYU in May. I loved BYU, but I hated both my classes. Hated them. I never wanted to go to school. When I started again this fall, I was really excited. I had changed my major and loved every class I was in (except maybe my math class ...) I loved coming to school and doing my homework and studying everything I needed to study. I still enjoy my classes, though I am more than ready for a new semester.
I tried out for the folk dance team and didn't make it. I thought i would be crushed, but I wasn't. I was a little upset, but I got over it very quickly. I might try out again this next semester, I haven't decided yet. My grandma Pat, who died when I was four, was very close with me. She left behind a written history of her life before she died. I remember reading in it while in high school that she had gone to BYU and tried out for the folk dance team. Like me, she didn't make it. I wanted to make the team for her.
In her history, my grandma wrote that she would have tried out for the team again, except she met Arno (my grandfather) and her priorities changed. When I read that, I didn't understand it entirely. I do now. I feel that my priorities have changed as well, though in different ways than hers.
This month, I also applied for a job on BYU campus as a Writing Fellow. I was very excited about it and very much wanted the job. I found out this week I didn't get it. I can also apply next semester again. I probably will. This let down was stronger for me than the folk dance team.
I have felt a little discouraged since I found out that I didn't get the job. I feel that at BYU I am surrounded by the "best and brightest." It's hard because if I was at UVU still, I would be able to have a full ride scholarship, be on their newspaper, try out and probably make a dance team, get a job on campus, and walk to school every day, not to mention Ben and I would be able to take classes together and what not. It doesn't always feel worth it to be at BYU.
But then I walk around campus and I know I'm in the right place. I love BYU. I am so excited that I will be able to graduate from BYU, and it's something I want--more than any of that extra stuff that comes with college.
