Missing my other half. Literally.

A year and a half ago (about a week after Jeremy left on his mission), I went to the New Year's Eve dance with some of my friends. It made me miss Jeremy so much. I actually didn't even want to go at first, because I knew Jeremy wouldn't be there, but some of my friends talked me into it. 

And, just like I knew would happen, it broke my heart without Jeremy there. 

My poor friends, I'm sure the only thing I talked about for the entire dance was "Jeremy and I used to do this at dances ..." and "I wish Jeremy was here ..." and "this reminds me of Jeremy ..." But they put up with it. I have good friends. But really. 

One of my friends, Ben Jensen noticed how much I was missing Jeremy. Obviously. He told me not to worry too much, that the longer Jeremy was out, the less I would miss him. He was right, and wrong. 

He was right, because missing Jeremy doesn't consume me anymore. That's not the only thing I talk about anymore. In fact, Jeremy is hardly even a part of my life nowadays (side note: nowadays is my new favorite word). I don't think about Jeremy with everything I do. I can go to family parties and plan dates and go to parties without every single thing reminding me that my other half is missing. 

He was wrong, though, because I do still miss Jeremy, just as much as the first day he left. I don't think about it as much, but the missing is just as strong. And sometimes, it just hits me. 

Like today. 

I was going through pictures today on Facebook. I got to this picture, but it took a long time. There were way too many pictures and too many events between now and then. 

This picture was the last picture that Jeremy and I took together before he left. It was Tuesday night, the eve of his departure to the MTC and the absolute last time I was to get to see him before that. I knew it was the last picture; see my red eyes, the tears that were almost in them? Yep. I knew it. 

After Jeremy left, I missed him so much. Too much. I knew I needed to stay busy, to do fun and good things to take my mind off it. So, I went to a Christmas party with my dance class. I had Christmas with my family. On my birthday, I went shopping with mom and Jon and then had friends coming and going all night, playing Just Dance, visiting Yogurtland, and playing card games. I read the Mistborn series and then went back to school. I started dating Ben and hung out with so many people. I planned date after date.  Then I moved home and hung out with more people. I tried to visit all the temples in Utah with Jon and DJ (and got close). I danced and danced and danced, and started teaching dance. I broke up with Ben. I put in my mission papers and was preparing for that. I got married and started attending BYU. I made new friends and got comfortable with the idea of being a college student. I went to so many dances and young single adult activities and institute classes. I fell in love. And all of that, all of it, happened without Jeremy. 

And that, that is the worst part of Jeremy being gone. And that is why he needs to come home. 

Because, it doesn't matter how long it's been or how busy I stay. When you're missing your other half, 5,000 miles and nineteen months and a fair share of life changing events don't matter. 

It will still break your heart everyday. 

Love Goggles.

Is it weird to blog about another blog? Well, I am.

Ben and I have started a blog together. So cute, right? And it was idea.

Our blog is called Love Goggles, you can check it out here:
http://lovegogglesbc.blogspot.com/

We're each going to do a new post every Sunday morning. Sometimes our posts will be different, but they'll be themed similarly. For example, if we tell a story, we might not be telling the same story, but we'd both be telling one. This week, we decided to do our "how we met and got married" story in twenty lines.

I'm excited about this blog. I think it's adorable and with Benjamin writing half the posts, it'll be hilarious too. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have been!

Just an update on my life.

I finished my first semester at BYU. I got a B- in my mythology class, so at least I didn't fail it. I was actually pretty happy about it, considering how much work I put in. Oops.

Ben has me eating things that I just didn't eat before. Like bacon. And jerky.

We got a bread machine and a Blendtec. We are doing a lot better with eating healthy. We eat wheat pancakes (no sugar), German pancakes (wheat flour, no sugar) with real maple syrup (no sugar), eggs, or a green smoothie for breakfast. Ben's big on breakfast. Especially eggs, for the protein. I made my first loaf of bread with our bread machine two days ago. It was so good (also wheat flour, no sugar). It's already gone. Now that we're starting to get settled, we're doing a lot better at eating better than we were when we were first married.

I applied to Wells Fargo, as a teller. Ben's working on getting me an interview, and then hopefully I can start working. Right now, without school or work, I'm basically doing nothing. Now with dance done, that's literally true. I'm going to go insane soon.

Also, I changed my major from Psychology to Family and Consumer Science Education. This is why. A bachelor's degree in Psych is basically useless unless you use it as a stepping stone to more education. Ben and I both want to have kids now. SO badly. But, we're waiting, because now is not the right time. We want to finish school first (especially me) and I want to be on BYU's folk dance team, not to mention dance. Also, we want to be able to save up a 20% down payment on our home (which we want to buy when Ben finishes school) and kids are so expensive. With school and me not working (which if we had a child right now, that's what would happen) on top of that expense, there's no way we would be able to do that. So. Here's our plan.

We'll both work part time, go to school full time and finish as fast as we can. We'll save as much as we can and when we're finished, we'll buy a house. Then, we'll have kids :) and all the rest of the stuff that happens with a family will follow.

Here's the other thing about my major. The classes that I need to take for the major are so me. Things like meal planning in the home, or nutrition. There are some classes (like organic chemistry or sewing) that I'm not really looking forward to, but that's how it is with every major. I am so excited about this major. So excited.

Well. That's it. Ben and I are still in love and happy, of course. We love our apartment and are figuring things our for the future. In the meantime, we love where we are.