One Year

Do you ever do that thing, where you look back and think, what was I doing this time last year? What was I like? What was life like? 

Well. I do. This time last year, well .. I'm glad it's now and not then, because then was really hard for me.

Do you know how long this kid has been gone for?

A year. 

Twelve months down. 

Roughly twenty-one months to go. 

Uhhhhhhh. 

How blessed can a girl get?

I got to see my grandparents, Katelyn, and Itzel at Macey's today! It was so fun!

Yesterday, I went to the temple with some of my favorite people and it was so wonderful.

I feel like I have the best family. I really do.

I've finished almost all my Christmas presents!

I have 30,002 words, 60 pages of my novel. I'm excited, this is the most I've ever written!!

Jon is the best friend I could ask for.

I got my first 4.0. I'm not really sure how, two of my classes I put a lot of work into, but my other two classes, well ... I haven't even been in class since October. But, I pulled an A in both! Next step, hopefully BYU.

I just really like this time of year. Everything is happy and peaceful, there's snow, Christmas lights are everywhere (as is Christmas music), and everyone wants to give. It's such a great time of year!

Merry Christmas!

Something really nice happened yesterday. I was gone pretty much all day, at work and then at Ashley's house. When I did get home, I checked the mail out of habit, sure that my mom would have already gotten it.
Turns out, she hadn't. And, turns out as well, even though I haven't written back to Jeremy yet, there was a letter for me!

And, inside, there was a Christmas surprise for me. My Christmas present from Jeremy. I was so happy. It was a map of Finland, where he is right now. It was so nice.

Lately, I've been feeling .. unconnected to Jeremy.

Before he left, he was in every part of my life, almost. There was hardly anything I did without him, and if I did it without him, I would tell him about it later. It was the same with his life. We were best friends, in every meaning of the word. But it was more than that. We sort of .. completed each other. In a totally unromantic way. His strengths overcame my weaknesses and vise versa. We looked out for each other and understood each other implicitly. We knew when to talk, when to be silent, when to make the other one just cry it out or when to make them laugh. I knew Jeremy so well, I really could tell you what he would say or do in certain situations.

This was painfully apparent on our last double date, right before he left. I say painfully because we both knew it was our last double date for a long while. It was hard, because I knew before he left how much I would miss him, how hard it would be on me.

When he left, I felt .. smaller. I literally felt as if someone had taken a piece of me away. What was I supposed to do then? I had no idea. So I just kept doing what I normally did, living life away. But it was hard, because everything I did, Jeremy's absence was so obviously apparent to me. It was a huge, gaping hole. I feel bad for anyone who had to be around me at the time, for I'm sure I talked of Jeremy and nothing else.

I went to the New Year's Eve institute dance, less than two weeks after Jeremy left. It was fun, and I'm glad I went, but it was so hard. I hadn't ever gone to a dance without Jeremy before, excepting school dances. When they played swing songs, I wanted to cry. There were times, even six months after Jeremy left, when I would be planning something and would, without even thinking about it, start driving to pick Jeremy up or get out my phone with the intent to call him. Then I'd realize, oh, he's in Finland.

Then, something that everyone told me would happen started to happen--I started missing him less. But I wasn't sure it was a good thing. I hardly thought about him at all, except when I went to email or write him. My life, once so full of Jeremy even with him gone, was now, well, Jeremy-less. I went to work, church, school, and dance. Most of my friends were people I'd met since he'd left. Everything I did had nothing to do with Jeremy. It scared me to death, especially with the new development of not seeing him for almost two more years.

I just hated feeling distanced from my cousin, my best friend, my other half.

Yesterday, though, his gift did something he couldn't have known it would do. It helped me feel not so distanced, not so separate from him. I have it hanging up, right where I can see it, right now.

Jeremy and I will always be best friends. I understand that, know that to my core. I know when I see him again, it will be like we were never apart. I know that even though we're different people now, we're stronger, and that will make our friendship stronger. And, looking at this map now, I understand that with my heart rather than just with my head.

Merry Christmas everyone. It's already been a great one for me.

100 and counting ..

I was thinking today about my hundred guys goal, and it got me wondering how many guys I've gone out with now. After I reached a hundred, I stopped counting. I haven't paid too much attention to statistics in regards to dates since then. Today, I tried to figure it out, to remember. And, through it's been a year and a half since I finished my 100 dates project, I really haven't been out with all that many more guys. Like, ten. My high school self would be shocked.

Granted, I have been on a lot of dates, just with guys who were already my hundred, or with my boyfriend. Seven of those fourteen months, I was in a relationship with someone. And I also could have gone with more if I had wanted to, a few more anyways. It just seems to me like I've been slacking in the dating area for a long time.

1. Wyatt Foulger
2. Dane Carlson
3. Nate Burton
4. This kid in my old singles ward who I have to admit, I really don't remember his name ...
5. Brent .. I never knew his last name
6. Trenton Stapley
7. Jeff Wright
8. Myles Broadhead
9. Trevon something or other, never knew his last name either
10. Chris Hendrickson

So. Ten. Pathetic, compared to high school, can I just say? And, while I was dating Ben, or had just broken up with him and didn't want to go on dates, only six asked me out, so I would only have six more.

Maybe I should try for 150, or 200, or something. Then at least I'd get dating, which is something I probably should do more of.

Lincoln

I just got home from watching Lincoln. I am not a big Civil War person; I mean, it happened, I learned about it in school, I passed the test. I do NOT like war movies. I am a total girl when it comes to movies. I am. But let me tell you something.

This movie was amazing.

Lincoln was the kind of person that I hope to be someday. He was .. incredible. Words do not describe how  incredible. Textbooks don't stand a chance.

I hope you all will take the chance to watch this movie, or read the book (something I have yet to do but that  is now on my list). The Civil War has never been very .. related to me, very real. This movie changed that for me. I love Abraham Lincoln and what he did. It makes me want to change the way I treat other people, the way I view other people. And it makes me ask myself, what am I going to do, in this world?

What am I going to do?

Nothing is more beautiful than ..

Going to dance frustrated and driving home happy. 

Watching the girl you teach struggle and struggle with leap 23's, until one week, she does them, full speed, across the floor. 

Leaping higher than you thought you could and moving faster than seems possible. 

Finally hearing where a step goes in the music. 

The last minute, tight, I-love-you hug you get after you teach. 

Watching your favorite little girl in the world dance around her house, not even thinking about. 

Showing off to a little girl you teach and seeing in her eyes, I want to do THAT. Show me how to dance like THAT. 

That moment, the smaller than split second moment, when you are in a leap or a jump and everything freezes in the air. You literally defy gravity, hanging above the floor with nothing to support you but the momentum you created just a breathe ago. 

Feeling shaky and exhausted and ready for bed, not thinking you can keep dancing. Until you actually start dancing. And that moment, the one where you forget everything except for the step, that moment is beautiful. There is nothing else, but dance. Nothing else matters, except lining up the steps and your feet and the sounds with the music. And when you do, when everything falls into place and you hit it right on, with crossed, turned out feet and loud sounds, well, it's amazing. Indescribable. Rare. 

But you know what's really beautiful? 

Dance. 

I am a song lyrics kind of girl.

There's a beautiful fact about music--when people listen to it, everyone hears something different. It's all to do with their backgrounds, what's going on in their lives right now, and their personality. Everyone is different and is going to take something different from a song.

When musicians listen to a song, they hear the instruments, they hear the beat and the rhythm and the tempo. They hear how all the sounds blend together in a fascinating way. When singers listen to a song, they hear the notes, the talent (or maybe lack thereof) of the artist singing the song. I can appreciate a nice beat, can tell if it's a guitar or piano, can have an opinion on whether or not I like the singer. But, I am a song lyrics girl. The first thing I notice in the song is the lyrics, and that's what sticks with me from the song. The lyrics determine for me whether I like the song or not.

These are some lyrics from song that I find particularly beautiful ...

"Sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part .."
-93 Million Miles From The Sun, Jason Mraz

"... Then I look into my nephew's eyes .. Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lie."
-Some Nights, Fun

"I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make ... I had to learn what I got and what I'm not and who I am."
I Won't Give Up, Jason Mraz

"I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song .. I'd rather be comma than a full stop ..."
-Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall, Coldplay

"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard."
-Scientist, Coldplay

"And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve and when a situation rises, just write it into an album .."
-Secrets, One Republic

"And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?"
-Everything, Lifehouse

Have you ever written one of those blog posts that is really good for you to write, but not very creative and more journal-like, making it one that other people probably won't even care to read? I did. Today. This post, in fact.

Today was an odd sort of day for me.

I accidentally slept in. It was nice, but I missed my institute class and am so bummed about that. And guilty. I also was late for my tap class, so I just didn't go. It won't hurt my grade, since I'm doing very well in it, but that is one of the classes I actually like. But, I would rather miss than walk in late. So, instead I went to a Book of Mormon institute class with Brother Stoll. He's the father of one of my high school friends and he lets me visit his class often; it's nice.

Psychology was normal. I had a test that I did well on in Sociology. Then I left, missing my Anthropology class. It's hard to go to that class, because I took the same one last year and so it's very easy. I have an A, without really trying. But, the credits wouldn't transfer right from UVU to SLLC, and I wanted to see if it would be a better class here. It's not.

Then I got to go to my cousin's house and hang out for a bit. That was my favorite part of the day. I watched Tinker Bell, ate cheese sandwiches, colored Christmas coloring pages, and listened to Makayla read a book to me. I love kids so much. I am so excited for when I can have my own family. And, of course, I got to talk with my aunt Ardis. That was nice.

When I got home, I just sort of chilled. I thought a lot about everything in my life and really decided on some things. Not everything is figured out, but I am once again motivated to be my best. I've been feeling a little burned out as late, and I want to get back on things. I want to be able to do my best in everything.

I had work at four. It was not a good day. We were behind and we had to leave a little earlier than normal, because our hours are so cut back. It was the first time in ... a very long time that I haven't finished everything. I don't even remember the last time I didn't. I didn't like it. Plus I get to open tomorrow, which is always fun after I close. And we have so much to do tomorrow. It makes me tired just thinking about it. But, I think that's good practice for my mission. Maybe?

It was a lazy day, sort of, for me. But also, I feel that I have made progress in a lot of ways. Basically, I still have a lot to figure out, but now I am motivated to actually figure it out. And that's the first step.

93 Million Miles from the Sun

I think I've given up on my other blog. It's been so long since I've posted on it, and even those posts were mediocre. Maybe someday I'll get back to it. But I somehow doubt that. Really.

 I really should be going to bed now, it's late (for me) and I need to get up early tomorrow. But I really loved when President Monson, in conference, about writing in his journal everyday, no matter how late it was or how early he had to get up the next morning. I love that; I want to do that too, everyday for the rest of my life. And this counts as a sort of journal, right? Besides, I'm in a big writing mood right now. And I certainly have enough thoughts to jot down here; they might be scrambled, but .. there is no shortage of them.

Some thoughts:

I think I'm getting a cold. I really, really, really, really, really do not want to get sick. I do not have time to get sick. No sir.

Dance was so awesome today. We laughed our freaking faces off danced so hard. I felt like I really gave everything I had to it and I am so exhausted. But exhausted in that good, I-accomplished-something-today way. I love dance. I love the feeling that comes when you are in the air and your legs are doing some complicated hard thing but they feel strong and you know you are flying. Flying. What a feeling.

I think I accidentally coerce people into doing things I want them to. If you have ever been one of these people, I apologize. It's just because I love you, if you are. I remember one time in the summer, I went to Ogden to go on a date with Ben. We were going to go hiking. While I was waiting for him to change, I invited his roommate Ashton to come with us. When Ben came out, he also invited Ashton to come. Ashton told him that I had already invited him, and Ben just said, "I know." When I asked how he would know that, he replied that it was because I "always did that." I was a little taken aback. I hadn't ever really realized that I did that. Ever since then, though, I've noticed it. I think sometimes, it can be a good thing, but I want to be careful that it doesn't become a bad thing either.

I reread the Hunger Games last night. It was better the first time. I still like it though. I love Peeta, I decided. I also read it faster this time around. Hmmm.

North Carolina apparently doesn't get very cold. Good news for me! But it does get humid. This will be very interesting. I don't think this whole I'm going on a mission thing has become very real to me yet. Everyone says it's exciting or asks me if I'm excited, and I am. But it really just feels unreal to me still. It has yet to sink in.

Makayla is so funny. I am so glad I get to spend so much time with her, and my family. I am so blessed.

I cannot stop listening to this song. It is so great; I love lyrics and these ones, to me, are simply beautiful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5WiqJFq2-o

Those are just a few of my scattered thoughts. I left out all the really confused, heavy ones for now. I feel like I have a whole lot to think about in my life right now and I just want to figure it out. But I will, eventually. And like the song says, I can always come back home.

I'm grateful for ...

My family. 

My friends. 

My mission call. 

Dance. 

Christmas. 

My chickens. 

Sleep. 

My job and especially the people I work with. 

Jeremy. 

The Gospel. 

My life. 

Charlotte, North Carolina

That was definitely not what I was expecting. I think I was expecting a foreign mission; I admit, I am a bit relieved that it isn't. I would have gone willingly, but I am glad to be in the U.S. and to be English speaking. I like the sound of North Carolina. I don't know much about it, but I do know that it feels great knowing I'll be going there. And my aunt is right, it fits me. Charly in North Carolina. Yep.

The most surprising, and I admit, a little bit unwelcomed, part was finding out that I won't be leaving until April 3. That seems like forever away. And it was NOT what I was planning. As I'm learning more and more  in my life, though, is that Heavenly Father's plan is not always the same as ours, but His is always the right one. I know I can count on that.

The thing is, when I heard that I could leave right now on a mission, my first thought was, now I can leave and get back close to the same time as Jeremy. Honest, that was the first thing I thought. And I figured, if I left in January, I would get home about six months after him. That's not too long, two and a half years. That's not even really enough time for him to get married. I mean, he could, but it's also short enough that he could wait those couple months.

Now, though, I won't get home until almost a year after Jeremy. That means I will go three years without seeing him. I know, that really isn't that long, and he's my cousin. And we can write to each other. And we'll both be busy. And the time will fly by. And blah blah blah, blah blah. Honestly, I don't care about any of that. All I really want is to see my best friend. I still miss him everyday, even though it's been almost a year since he's been gone. Every day. He really is more than a best friend to me; he is my other half and I hate being apart from him. I hate it more than anything in the world. When I saw April third, a piece of me wanted to cry.

There are some great things about that. I can keep dancing for a while longer, which is really nice. And I can save up more money. And, most importantly, now I will most likely get to be here for my mom's wedding, which is such a happy thing.

But ... I still just want to leave. I want to go, right now. And I want to get back. I want to see Jeremy.

I was thinking on my drive home today about something my friend Quinn said when we were talking about the age change. He noted that a lot of girls who weren't going to go before now were, and said something to the effect of "now that it's convenient for them .." That statement made me pause; I have already done a blog post all about how 'convenient' it is for me to now serve a mission. I know that the Lord has been preparing my life so that I would be able to go out and serve. However, I wanted to just leave as soon as I could, because that was "convenient" for me. Now the Lord is asking me to wait, five months. That means it's only seven months sooner than I could have gone before the age change and that really doesn't seem like that long to me.

But, I have to ask myself, am I willing anyways? Am I okay to say to the Lord, I trust you. Do I trust Him enough to go, and to be okay with it? So Jeremy could get married while I'm gone, without me there. And I won't see him for a very long time. Two more years. When he left, I thought, Two years is soooo long. How can I go two years without Jeremy? Now I'm back to that same thought. But the thing is, oh well. Oh well if Jeremy gets married without me there. He and I will always be friends and he'll just have to take lots of pictures. Oh well that I won't see him, we CAN still write and we're both doing what we're supposed to be doing.

I don't think people really understand when I tell them that Jeremy is my best friend. Explaining to people how closely bonded I am with Jeremy is like trying to explain to people how much a part of me dance is. For the most part, they don't really get it. But Jeremy and I have a friendship deeper than words, and we always will. I love Richard G. Scott's talk from April 2011. He talks about his wife quite a bit and ends by saying, "I am confident that when, in our future, I see her again beyond the veil, we will recognize that we have become even more deeply in love. We will appreciate each other even more, having spent this time separated by the veil." I love that. And I think, though it's a different context and even a different kind of relationship, I can say that I too am confident that I will see Jeremy soon, and that when we do see each other, we will realize that we appreciate each other even more have spent this time apart. We will have our testimonies strengthened, and we will be stronger people. I know that I am already that way in the year since he left and I can only imagine what the next two years, with preparing for and going on, a mission will do, and who I will become. I am excited to see, and I cannot wait until the time when I can show Jeremy that as well.

Imperfections and All

Dating has always been a big part of my life, ever since I was old enough to date. The day I turned sixteen, I went on my first date. It was planned that way, because it was a dream that I had always had, for as long as I can remember. My hundred dates challenge made things really interesting, and fun, in the area of dating during high school for me. I loved it. It was so much fun. Then, I got into college, and dating seemed a little bit different.

It was still fun. Jeremy and I planned a few dates just like the 'old days' and I got asked on a few dates, but it was definitely a little different. I definitely have gone on a lot less dates since then. This past year and a half, I've gone out with less guys than I did in simply my summer following senior year. I could have gone with more, I admit. I have turned down some (thought not that many) guys-for various reasons. And I have had a couple of actual relationships, which are lot different than just going out for fun. I learned a lot of lessons on my hundred dates, about friendship and fun and talking with people. I learned how to better interact with people and the importance of listening. What I've learned in the dating I've done since high school, though, has taught me a lot of very different lessons. Mostly, those lessons were things I learned about myself.

I have a weird sense of self, I think. I understand that I have value. I don't think I suffer from any major self-esteem problems or anything. But at the same time, I get very self-conscious about what others, particularly with boys that I like. I was talking with my aunt recently. I told her that I just get shy talking with this boy. She told me that no one would believe that someone who had gone out with a hundred different guys could be shy. I told her, "Well, I didn't like THEM!" And that's true. Most of the time, I am a little concerned, but not majorly stressed, about what others might think of me. But when it comes to a guy I like, I freak myself out.

Or at least, I used to. For as long as I can remember, that's how I've been. When I really liked a guy, it was so hard for me to show it and to talk with him and to let other people know that I liked him. Now, though, not as much. It's still there a little, but I'm starting to realize that this problem is not nearly as bad as it used to be.

See, I understand that I have things about me--like everyone else--that are good qualities. I have an okay impressive resume, if you will, for dating. While I fully understand and recognize that, however, I also know that there are things about me that can be annoying and imperfect and I don't like that. The last thing I want to be in a relationship is annoying. So, I stay quiet or stress about it and that hinders me.

Before, I would look mostly at the negative side of things in regards to this. I would only see the annoying stuff, the reasons why they wouldn't like me. I remember once, Jeremy knew a guy who liked me and I liked him as well; I was stressing out about liking him and Jeremy calmed me down by letting me know that this guy liked me a lot as well. It blew me away; I had a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I know that a lot of people go through this as well, but it was a huge deal for me. The one major relationship I have been in was really hindered by my view on this.

Now, though, I think I am able to push the good things up just a little bit above the bad. I understand that I deserve a great guy. I understand it to my core, not just in my head. I understand it in a way that changes the way I behave. And I like that. I don't want to get cocky and I still have lots of things I am working on. I still don't want to be annoying. But, I'm not worried about it as much anymore. I am just taking a chill pill about it. I want a guy who loves me, even when I'm having an annoying or needy or moody day. I want to be able to just be with him without worrying that I'm acting in 'the wrong' way. I know I deserve a relationship like that and that really helps with the balance between my good and bad qualities. Sometimes, I see the bad qualities all too clearly. But I am learning to let myself (and others) be happy with me, imperfections and all.

The kind of person ..

There are a lot of people in this world I want to be more like. My brother Jon. My mom. My dance teacher. Ashley. My whole dance class. Sometimes, I look at people and think, man. I wish I could be like that. The biggest example of this is, of course, the Savior. Right now in one of my institute classes, we are studying the New Testament and it is hitting me more than ever just how perfect He really was. Isn't amazing that we can be like that too, someday? I think it is. This post, however, I want to talk about someone in particular in my life that I wish I was more like--my aunt Ardis.

Ardis has always been a friend to me, for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, she lived in Arizona, but I remember emailing her, back and forth. I was always so excited to talk to her; I would spend what felt like forever to little girl me painstakingly typing out a few precious sentences about what was happening in my life. I looked forward to her emails a lot. We even had nicknames for each other.

As I grew older, Ardis started having more kids and moved back to Utah. I sure love her kids, always have. If I turn out to be half the mother that Ardis is to her kids, the my own children will turn out alright. My senior year of high school, I got in the habit of stopping by her house whenever I had time on the way to dance, to see Makayla. Their house always had an open invitation extended to me. I took advantage of that even more so when I left for college. I would come back three times a week from Orem to go  to dance. There were many days when I would come back and be early. Without enough time and gas money to go all the way home and back to my studio, but not wanting to sit in my car, I would end up at Ardis's. I also would sometimes leave early on purpose, just so I'd have time to stop by their house.

When I broke up with Ben, everyone was there for me with a waiting ear and ready to say they were there for me. I did feel very loved, but the one I called and asked if they could talk was Ardis. I knew she would understand and I knew very much that she cared; I also felt comfortable talking with her. She had found ways to be involved in my life before this and had let me know that she wanted to know about my life. That's just the kind of person she is.

Ardis has so many traits that I want to have someday.

She is such a good mother. You see that in all the little things she does with and for her kids. You also see it in the way her kids behave, and how much they all love her. One of the reasons I so much love spending time at her house is that when I am there, I get to see that.

She is the perfect person to talk with. She gets excited about all the right things, understands when things are tough, and gives the best advice. One of my favorite things about talking with Ardis is that she always tells me about her life, about her experiences. And she always leaves me with something new to think over in regards to whatever it is we were talking about. One of my very favorite things in the world are the talks I have with Ardis.

She gives so much. She gives to her kids, to her family, to everyone. I don't know that I could even name one selfish thing I have seen her do. She is always thinking of others and what she can do for them and how she can include them. She is such a great example to me of charity.

There are lot of things that Ardis says and does which impress me. More than that though, there is a something deeper. All the little actions and words come from an attitude towards life and others that is hard to explain. All I know is, I can recognize it in Ardis and I hope to one day recognize it in myself. I'll be successful in my life if I can become the kind of person my aunt Ardis is.

My eyes are wet; my heart is full.

That's a line from the hymn we sang today in relief society--Testimony. 137, I think. It's not as well known, but I really liked the lyrics. Especially that line. That is how I feel today. 

I love Sundays, especially fast Sundays. My ward, oh my goodness, I am so blessed. I love testimony meeting in our ward. I always come away feeling loved, feeling blessed, and feeling uplifted. I never come away from it without feeling in a million different ways that Lord is taking care of our lives. 

After church, Jon and I made brownies in our smoothie, with sugar in the raw. I love brownies. I LOVE BROWNIES. I really love them. These were so good. Not as good as the ones made out of the box, but I have yet to find a recipe that does. And these were pretty darn good. 

Before church, I started writing a novel. A novel, I recently found out, has to be 40000 words. I have 187 so far. That's okay. I'm not really daunted by it. I'm sure by the time I get my words all out on paper, there will be plenty more than necessary. It's not the quantity of words that worries me, it's the quality of those words. But, I am very determined to write this. I mean, I have started many books in my lifetime. Many, many books. I have always wanted to write. I just get frustrated with every one I start, because when I go back and read it, I realize that it's not very good. Then, it's hard to be motivated to keep writing because I feel like it's pointless. Or I'll get so many ideas and try writing them all at once that nothing finishes. But, I am determined to finish this time. I will focus right now on writing it as much as I can and THEN I can go back to edit it. The story I have chosen to write is important to me, so even if I didn't get it published, I want to finish it and that's good motivation to keep writing. I have a good quote to think about now as well. 

"Stick to your task 'till it sticks to you. 

Beginners are many. Finishers are few. 

Honor, power, place, and praise 

Will always come to the one that stays. 

Stick to your task 'till it sticks to you. 

Sweat at it, bend at it, smile at it too. 

For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile, 

Will come life's victories, after a while." 

-Thomas S. Monson 

Jon and I gathered up our ward for mission prep and it was awesome. I love all of the youth in our ward. I absolutely love that my calling is to help teach the 15/16-year-old Sunday school class. They may be few in number, but they're all so awesome. I do love our ward. Have I said it enough in this post for you to believe me yet? 

After mission prep, Jon and I went straight to a fireside. It was wonderful. The topic was perfect for me--all about how our lives don't always turn out the way we plan, but that we can build our lives on correct principles, and that will bring us happiness in our life, so that we don't rely on outside circumstances for that. 

At the fireside, I also got to hang out with some of my favorite people-namely Ashely. And Bakery Bryan came. He's so cool. We call him that because he works in the bakery at our work and he's friends with all of us girls at the Deli, but there's another Brian who works at Macey's as a bagger. Only, we're not really fans of that Brian as much. So. Yes. Also, a guy that I met in my institute class came, with one of his friends. It was really quite fun. 

Jon and I finished off the day by going to my grandparent's house, where my cousins also were. We are so blessed to have had the day together, and to have our family so close that we can see them so often. It's amazing to me how the Lord just pours out the blessings. 

Also, this is song is basically my favorite right now. 93 Million Miles by Jason Mraz. It's a catchy tune, but the lyrics are absolutely beautiful. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5WiqJFq2-o

 

Count your many blessings .. name them one by one.

1. Dance. Dance. Dance. And dance.
2. That I don't work at Wal Mart. And my job. I really do love it.
3. Ashley Gardner.
4. Emails that I get at four in the morning.
5. Homemade chicken noodle soup.
6. Hunter Hayes. I recently went on a .. I don't know what you call it. But I recently decided I really like his music.
7. Christmas treats at Halloween. Details ...
8. MY FAMILY.
9. Halloween.
10. The Book of Mormon.
11. Those people who can send you one text that makes you happy, even after you've been feeling kind of terrible, and just tired of life, all day. I had one of those today and it was very nice.

Silly Makayla

My cousin Makayla is one of my best friends. We do all sorts of things together. And, she's five. What better age to be? The other day, she was over and we decided to look through all of my pictures on Facebook. It was hilarious. Here are some of her responses, with the pictures in no particular order.

She simply could not understand why we all "wanted the apple." 

"Ooh, this picture looks yummy!" When I explained to her that it was cooking spray, she just pointed to the picture ON the cookie spray, saying she wanted to eat that. 

This picture she found fascinating, since she just started learning to do Irish dance. She also found it hilarious that Megan had her eyes closed. She told me, "I think it's too bright for her." I told her I thought Megan was probably just blinking. And so, in every picture of my class that followed this, she had to find the "blinking girl" (Megan), the "biggest"--or tallest--girl (Camille), and the "smallest" girl (Kathleen). 

"Hey! WHAT is his mouth doing?" 

She finds laughing pictures especially funny. She wanted to know if Ben was laughing also, because she "couldn't see his eyes," so she "couldn't tell." 

She laughed really hard, and said, "You can't find each other." That made me laugh too, then I explained to her that we were lost in the picture and that's why we were doing that pose. She asked where it was that we were at and how many times we'd been there. When I told her it was Ben's yard, she was so incredulous. "You got lost at his house??" When I told her we were just pretending to be lost, she asked me, "You LIED?  You're not lost?" It was so funny. 

She had to show "Aunt Deanne" how "Charly was being the cow." Even though she was there, evidenced by that fact that she's in the picture. She's such a funny little girl. 

She thought it was hilarious that I had "paint all over my face." Then she was very concerned about how I got it to come off. 

"Hey! You have pizza!" 

Makayla really enjoys looking through my pictures with me, and her favorite thing when we do so is to "find Charly," or other people she knows in the picture (and especially herself). This one threw her for a loop though. She couldn't figure out which one was me.

She laughed when she saw this one, because we were "sleeping." When I told her we were just pretending, she laughed and pointed to the pillow behind Ben's head, saying he had "fluffy hair." She laughed and laughed at that. 

"What in the world?? How is he doing that?" to Ben being upside down. She went through and pointed to the other three of us, saying in turn, "I can do that," and then pointed at Ben again, saying she couldn't. Less than five minutes later, though, she was insisting she could and wanted to show me. 

She wanted to know how we were upside down, until she figured out that it was the camera that was upside down and not us. 

This picture is probably the one she laughed the hardest at, just because of Barbara's face. She thought it was absolutely the funniest thing she had ever seen, I think. 

She liked this picture because she was in it. Then she went through the faces that each of us was making in it and made those faces. It was very cute.

She was in such a silly mood, but we laughed really hard at times. I sure love that little girl. 

TWO letters today ..

I think that I have been doing a lot better at keeping my blog updated as of this last week. And I want to keep that up! I think my visit to see my friend from dance in Provo helped motivate me; we talked a lot about our blogs. Well, hers, since I hadn't even looked at mine for probably two months.

And so, even though it's pretty late, I wanted to very quickly write on here about a wonderful thing that happened today--I got two letters! From two of my best friends who are currently out serving missions. One was a package thing from Jeremy. The other was the first letter I've gotten from Christian Kerr. It was the first because, well, I just recently sent him a letter, despite him already being out for quite a while. I definitely could do better at writing to my friends who are out.

That's it. The rest of my day was boring. I went to school, then went straight to work. And now I'm going to bed. Finally.

Some weeks .. end with Sunday.

This week was very, very hard for me. I seemed to have a lot of trials, and most all of them were my fault. Which did not help make me feel better about them. But, then, I was very blessed with a very wonderful Sunday. Can I just say, I love Sundays? I really do. I think they're my favorite day of the week. Yesterday was an especially great one!

It started off with church, of course. I am one of the most blessed girls I know. One of my huge blessings is my ward. The ward we live in is so full of love, it chokes me up at times. The lessons were great, just what I needed and I felt the renewed sense of motivation to be better this week than I was this past one.

Then, I came home and spent time with my family. My family is another one of those huge blessings I have. It was wonderful to be with them for that time.

I had an appointment with the stake president as well. I am finished with my papers now! All I have to do now is ... wait. Hopefully not for too long. But the meeting with President Baer was wonderful. He taught me a lot about the scriptures and church history that I didn't know before and I felt light as air coming out of his office.

And then, I had a date. It was actually the first date that I had planned (as opposed to just being asked out) since my break up with Ben. I was so excited all week for it! And, it proved to be as great as I was hoping it would be. The people there were so great, all of them, and we had a BLAST. We just goofed off basically the whole time. We went to my grandparent's basement, where we had dinner, played games, made brownies (hooray!) and watched the Joseph Smith movie. We really had so much fun. I haven't been on a date that fun for a very long time.

We're cute. These girls, they're just my best friends at work. They're crazy. I'm not kidding. But I love them anyways. 

Poor Ashley got pushed over and fell off her chair. Hahaha. 

Aaaaww. 

Sometimes, Quinn just likes to sit on people. And Taylor, apparently.

Here we are, just chilling on the floor.

This picture. Oh my. 

We're just being fat. From all the brownies. Of course.

When I got home, I sat down to email Jeremy and it was late enough that he was on!! And I got to talk to my cousin. That was probably the best blessing of the whole day. I sure miss him, but he is doing wonderful things in Finland and soon, I'll be out too. That thought fills me with so much excitement! 

I love my family, I love Jeremy. I am so grateful for all the wonderful people the Lord has blessed me with, and for the Gospel. This week was hard, but it ended with a most beautiful Sunday. My heart is full.

An Answered Prayer

So I'm updating my blog twice in less than a week. I know. Crazy. For right now it is, anyways.

I just wanted to share something that happened to me yesterday. Yesterday was a hard day for me. This week has actually been a toughy for me. I'm not sure why. I have just felt very frustrated with a lot of things and then frustrated that I was feeling frustrated. But yesterday was particularly bad. I got home from work and worked on some things that I needed to, but I felt like I didn't get enough done and also, I just wanted to go .. I don't know. On a date or something. But. I didn't. Because I had a ton to do and also, no boy.

Well, I was feeling lousy when my brother and I went to the temple. It was nice, but I couldn't do baptisms this week and as I was sitting in the chapel, watching my brother do his baptisms, I felt very .. lonely. I was missing people. A lot. And I was feeling discouraged for not being able to overcome certain things in my life, things I have been trying very hard to overcome. And I said to Heavenly Father, just in my mind, I need something. I don't know what. Just something.

I was expecting maybe a Facebook message or text or something. I wasn't sure. We came out of the temple; I checked my phone, Facebook, etc. Nothing. Then, as I was getting something to eat, Jon came downstairs with his Ipad. Jon and I both really like Mormon Messages and often share with each other new ones that we find. He had this one to show to me last night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr8xvw0cgw0&list=PL295254BDC885BDB5&index=6&feature=plpp_video

It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the something that I told Heavenly Father I needed. Jon was such an answer to my prayer.

God knows what He wants me to be. He loves me, I know that. Sometimes it's hard to see that He has something great planned for me, because I have no idea what that great thing is. But, I do have faith in Him, and I know that He will help me in my life always. I just have to take the correction He gives me, and follow His path.

So. I'm going on a mission.

My papers are done and filled out. I have an appointment with the bishop Wednesday and can hopefully talk to the stake president next Sunday. It's crazy to think that I'm going. Actually going. Every time I think about it, it .. I don't even know what to think. But I also get this really excited, happy feeling. I know this is right. 

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/welcome-to-conference?lang=eng

I'm sure you've all read this or seen this or heard this. Pretty much everyone is freaking out about it. And I have heard so many girls say that this was answer to their prayers. Well. I wanted to talk about my story with this for a minute, how it was an answer to my prayers and how the Lord has been preparing me for this for a long time. 

When I think of how many factors have gone into it, it blows my mind. I don't even know quite where to start. I guess I'll start by saying that I was not planning on a mission. When I was younger, I thought that a mission would be something I would want to do. Then I grew up a little and started liking boys a lot more and I honestly just wanted to get married. I didn't want to leave when I was twenty-one. When I got home, I'd then be twenty-three and, even though I know that's still young, it seems really old to me. There were a lot of things in my life that made me think that a mission, as good as it would be, just wasn't for me. But the Lord knew better and He helped me out by getting me ready for this. 

First of all, one of the big reasons, as I said before, that I didn't think I would go is because I really wanted to get married. When I was in high school, I really just wanted to be with someone. I don't really know how to explain the feeling, but I'm sure everyone has felt that before at some point. I think it is a natural and good desire, to want to love and be loved by someone. I understood that I should wait for high school to be finished first, plus I was dating my hundred guys. However, I did not see how I could possibly make it five years without finding someone and getting married. I didn't want to wait that long. 

I also was very worried about the timing of it with Jeremy and his mission. If I left right when I turned twenty one, I might leave before Jeremy got home and then have to go almost four years without seeing him. That was just about the most unappealing thought out there. Two years is long enough. Two and a half years (as it now will be) is pushing it. Any more than that and it just does not seem like a very good thing at all to me. I miss that kid so much, I can hardly stand it at times. 

So. The timing works better if I can leave right now. I will get home just six months after Jeremy and will be only twenty-one. The Lord has blessed me, as well, to now be okay single in my life. That sounds a little silly, but it's very true. At any other time, even just a week before, I don't think I would have been as willing to go out when they announced the age change. When I was in high school, I just wanted to fall in love. I wanted it badly. Then my first year of college, I did just that. Right after my boyfriend and I broke up, however, I still don't think I would have been ready to go. I had to go through a process of figuring some things out and being truly happy again. The timing of it was perfect. 

Another thing I keep thinking about is how the Lord has put things in my life to prepare for this perfectly. I already had gotten my wisdom teeth out as a Junior, so I didn't have to worry about that. I haven't ever had any major problems with surgery or sickness. I haven't had anything in my life that would stop or slow the process at all. I have some student loans from last year that I need to pay off before I leave, but even in that respect, the Lord has blessed me tremendously. This past summer, all my plans for my life (particularly my plans for this year) all just sort of broke apart. I have to admit, I was not happy about this. I liked my plans. I was a little heart broken to see them not work out. But it turned out better. I was able to live at home this semester, going to SLCC for school. It allowed me to save up money which I can put towards my student loans, kept me from needing to take out any more loans, and let me keep my job which is still earning me money to put towards my loans and to put away in savings. 

In regards to the student loans, the Lord has allowed me with another blessing, another way to pay it off no matter how soon I leave. Last summer, I had a 2003 blue Mitsubishi Lancer that I absolutely adored. And it adored me back. It was such a great car; I wanted to drive it for the rest of my life. And then, some lady ran a red light and .. it was totaled. Really badly. As in, the estimation to fix it was 7,000 dollars. Definitely not worth it. So, we got rid of it and eventually (after a lot of headache) our wonderful home teacher sold me the car I drive now, for the best deal I could ever have asked for. That was a huge blessing in my life. At the time, I felt that it was a big trial to me; I loved my car and it caused me a lot of worry and stress. My grandpa gave me a blessing, in which he promised I would see this as a blessing someday, despite how hard it was for me at the present. My grandma reiterated this later, promising me that I would see blessings in the long run. I've often wondered about that, and kept a lookout for those blessings. Now I am seeing them. I can sell the car I have now, to be debt free and able to serve a mission. I know that if I had my blue car still, I would never sell it. I would have someone keep it for me until I got home from my mission. If that was the case, though, I would be a lot more worried about money right now. I would not be able to be starting my papers, because I would need to first figure out how I could pay off the student loans. What a blessing to me that I have been able to drive this car for the past year and a half and now am able to use it to enable me to serve the Lord! 

And then this summer happened. This summer was not what I expected at all, but it turned out to be FULL of blessings. The biggest of which was, how close Jon and I got. Both Jon and I were having a rough summer and we were able to be there for each other. The way the Lord prepared us for that is a whole other  story, longer almost than this already-forever-long-blog-post. But, Jon and I started doing different things together. We started running, early every morning. We went off TV shows, movies, video games, processed sugar, meat for the most part, a lot of animal products. We got chickens and built a chicken coop. We wanted to eat healthy and got way into healthy living. We tried to find ways to serve our ward and bring them closer together. We started working on this project of gathering family stories, particularly from our grandparents. We decided we wanted to memorize hymns and scriptures and quotes, all sorts of things. We were doing it all together, which not only brought us very close, but made it easier; and Jon was definitely better at most of it than I was. It was great though. We both needed something to get us through the hard times we were having and what we did together was perfect. Then one day, we got thinking that a lot of the stuff we were doing would be great preparation for a mission. Before the age change, if we both went on missions, we would have left at the same time since I'm two years older than him. So, we made it official and started preparing for a mission, even attending mission prep classes despite how young we were. We went to mission prep all summer. When we heard about the age change, we could not believe it. This is probably the biggest way the Lord has prepared both my brother and I for missions, much earlier than we were anticipating. 

There is still a lot I need to do, in a small amount of time. I feel like I should have been studying harder and learning about the gospel more my whole life, even with the little helps the Lord has blessed me with. However, I have not felt this right about something in a very long time. I know that this is the right thing for my life right now and I also know that, even after all the things the Lord has done for me already, He will continue to bless me as I do this. And for that, my heart is full of gratitude.   

Busier than ever!

Well, summer is pretty much over and I start school tomorrow. This next year is going to be so crazy busy, but I'm very excited about it. I am just finalizing different things today, like my work schedule, and so it's on my mind. Wanna hear my schedule?

Mondays, I'll work in the mornings. In the afternoon, I'll be teaching my little cousins and a few neighborhood kids dance, just for fun (so that my cousin will do it; I very much want her to dance but she needs inexpensive lessons. She's the reason I'm doing it, actually). In between that and my own dance class I'll eat, have family night with my family, and then go to FHE with the singles ward. Then, I'll finish the night off with dance, the best way to end a day. I'm so excited for dance this year; it gives me that little excited bubble in my stomach thinking about it.

Tuesdays I'll have class in the morning, starting with institute at seven and continuing with a class every hour until two thirty. After class, I'll work closing at the deli.

Wednesdays, I'll work in the mornings. Hopefully a few of my Wednesday evenings will include going and talking to youth groups about dating and such. It would be very fun for me to be able to do that and a few people have asked me to already.

Thursdays, it's the same as Tuesdays.

Fridays I'll work mornings so that in the evening, I can have fun or get homework done, whatever my plans are for the week.

Saturdays I'll teach dance in the mornings and then work in the evenings.

Jon also is still planning on getting me up early to run. We'll see how that goes, I'm still not much of a runner. Jon loves it, though, and I love being with him. It'll be a great blessing,  know. I also have a lot of writing to work on, plus homework and housework. I have no doubt I'll be busier than ever. The good thing is, everything I'm busy with, I'm excited about. I love all the different things in my life right now. I feel so blessed.

WHO am I?

I am many things. It's weird to think about who you are, what you are, and who you aren't, in life. Some things, I wish deeply I was, but I'm not.

Like a concert pianist. I'm not. I'm not very good at piano.
But, I AM a piano player. Even if I don't play well, I'm learning to play and I love that.

I'm not a famous author.
But I AM a published author. And I think that's great. I'm really excited. I don't want to be famous. I just want to write, and to make a difference. The thing I want most in life is just a simple get-married-have-kids-stay-home-with-them-life. I don't want to be a famous author. Is that bad? Maybe. But not for me. I DO want to keep writing though, all my life. It's a talent I really need to improve on; I think it's a talent Heavenly Father blessed me with to help others. I feel very deeply about this, and so I feel that it is very important for me to work on it.
By the way, buy my book on Deseret Book's website, under Teens A to Z, or on Amazon.com! It's called A Date a Day, 365 Date Ideas For LDS Teens.

http://deseretbook.com/Date-Day-365-Ideas-LDS-Teens-Teen/i/b3739#


I am not a champion dancer or anything like that.
But I AM a dancer. And will be for all my life. I miss dance, I can't wait for it to start again.

I am not a very good runner. I don't even like running.
 But I AM a runner. I run with Jon. I'm not sure why. I am not one of those people who just enjoys running. I'd much rather be dancing or doing core or reading or eating or pretty much anything in the world. But, almost everyday, I go out with Jon. We don't go too far or very fast, but we do go out and do it. And I cherish those moments with Jon. I think THAT'S why I go. Actually, I know it is. Because of Jon.

I am not perfect, or even close to.
But, I'm working on it. It's going to take a LONG time. Every day I think that I have to be better tomorrow. That's hard sometimes, but I know it's okay with Heavenly Father, because I'm trying and that's what counts. I also have a lot of examples, the biggest right now being Jon.

And so, I am a lot. I am a piano player, a runner, and writer, an author, a dancer, trying. But, more than that, I am loved. I am blessed and for that, I am grateful. I am a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend. I am able to help others in my own ways, in ways no one else can. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. All of my accomplishments and the things I'm working on right now, well, they're good. But they're not my best blessings in my life, and I know that I wouldn't have gotten anywhere with any of them if it weren't for my family and friends and especially my Heavenly Father.

Because, the most important thing I could ever be, and the one thing that I will always, always be is His daughter. A daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me.
How wonderful a thought!

Mowing the grass

I love to mow the lawn. I don't really know why, but I truly love it. 


It helps clear my head. 
It motivates me to do better in my life. 
It calms me down when I'm stressed out. 
It is so immediately satisfying, watching the grass get cut down as you move the lawn mower.
The smell of cut grass and oil combined ... one of the best combinations out there. 

I just love it. 

Zealous

Adj.

1. Filled with or inspired by intense enthusiasm or zeal; fervent

2. Marked by active interest and enthusiasm

Synonyms: ardent, enthusiastic, eager, fervent, keen, earnest. 

This is one of my favorite words right now. I have liked it for a while, but I came across it last night in Alma 27:30. It really hit me. I love the example of the Anti-Nephi-Lehites, how faithful they are. It describes them as zealous. I want to be like that, like them.

 I want to be zealous for the gospel. 

The Beauty of Sunday

I had a seminary teacher tell me once that you could judge how well you kept the sabbath day by how well-rested you felt on Monday morning. It's a day of rest, for your soul, after all. I think that is so true and I'm so grateful for Sundays; they help me renew my committment and motivation, and remind me to be grateful for everything I have and to try again to be the person I want to be.

I love coming across beautiful passages, when the words don't seem to make sense, the poetic kind.

"From the depths of my sorrow, I have rejoiced in the glory of the gospel."
                     -Joseph B. Wirthlin

"It was one of those moments when the world stood still and all of heaven rejoiced."

"Happiness is your heritage."

I could sit and read quotes all day. Literally. Don't let me on Pinterest.

Lately, I have been spending a lot more time with Jon again. I really like it. We have started running again; he wakes me up, which is good, because college spoiled me and now getting up early is hard for me. Oh boy. But it's wonderful. I feel wonderful. And the discussions we have .. oh my, he is so smart. Sometimes, the insights he has on life and the gospel and the Book of Mormon blow me away. Like today on the way home from grandma and grandpa's, we were talking about the gospel and running, how they're similar. Life is hard, and keeping the commandments takes effort, but when you do, you feel great and when you don't, you feel .. well, not so great. Just like with running. It takes a lot of effort, but when you get out and run, you feel great about yourself and your body just feels wonderful. He has so many ideas that I find incredible. I am so lucky to have the family that I have.

Today, I woke up needing a little boost. I was able to look around and see beauty.

Do you ever just want to keep driving, away from everything, and into a new adventure?

I do.
Pretty much on a daily basis.
But especially in stormy weather like today.
There is something in the air when it rains that says, 'Go, have an adventure.'

I wasn't going to do one of these posts, but ...

I am. Sorry. You don't have to read it. And I don't want to be one of those girls whose life is over and all they do is talk about how sad they are. I really am okay. I mean, it's hard for me, but I'm doing fine and my life isn't over or anything. I have a lot to be excited about, and I am. For the most part, I'm happy. But, it's still hard.

Anyways, here's what I was thinking about lately ...

Why break ups suck:
-Everyone asks you about it. And what happened. But you don't really know how to explain.
-Everything reminds you about them. And that makes you sad.
-You have to start dating again, which can be both good and bad.
-Facebook does not make break ups easier.
-All your plans are suddenly void and you have to come up with new ones.
-Sometimes, they just ... suck.

Why break ups actually are good, despite being hard:
-It's obviously better this way, or it wouldn't have happened.
-Boys become a lot more interesting again.
-You see how loved you are, by more than just one person in your life.
-There are a lot of exciting things you can do, single, that maybe you couldn't before or that would have been harder. There are so many different activities and goals to work on in this world and life, a break up doesn't have to become the end of the world.

Book Frenzy

I have been in a reading craze lately. Do you ever do that? I get these times in my life when all I want to do is read, and then read, and then read some more. It comes in gushes, and when it comes, I get so many books piled up that I can't possibly hope to read them all. But hope I do, anyways. And I read like crazy. And then, it slows and I only read now and then. I think that probably I'm always in the middle of at least one book, but at times like these, I can't help but be in the middle of at least three. I get so excited about reading a book, but then also about reading another and another. I think other people go through this too, I know some people who are always going through this. I can't handle it all the time, it takes too much time and then I would never get anything done in my life.

I just finished A Separate Peace. Again. I definitely appreciated it a lot more than when I read it in tenth grade as required reading. It was beautiful writing. I love when authors put words together that shouldn't belong together but do. And some of the words he put together, well, they were so beautiful; it was poetry, in a novel. I'm glad I read it again. I just didn't really understand the point of it when I was sixteen, I didn't really get what it was about. Not really. I want to go back and reread a lot of the books I read when in high school English classes.

Do this.

In institute, my teacher had us all try something and it had a big impact on me. You should all try it.

Go to Moses 1:39.
Read the verse, replacing the last word with your name.
Sit and think about how you feel.

It's incredible to me how much the Lord loves me. I feel so blessed sometimes. I have so many reasons to feel that way all the time.

My life is CRAZY.

Well. My life has been insane lately. That's why I haven't written in a while.

I've worked soooo much. It's a good thing. I am so glad I have this job. Now I just need to figure out what I'm doing for work once school starts.

I've gotten to see my family tons. It's been really nice, especially with how much time I've gotten to hang out with my mom.

I've also been working on my yard tons. I've gotten nice and tan from that. And cleaning out our house. My mom and I took a huge carload of stuff to Savers today. It felt so nice getting rid of it all.

I am in an institute class now with Ashley and Maree. It's really good, it's about how to better study your scriptures. I've been working on that a lot lately. It's so nice.

I've also started running. I run with Ashley and Jon, when we can work it out. I'm not very good at it yet, but I like it and I'm getting better. It feels good to finally be doing it.

I got a calling in my homeward. I am going to help teach the sixteen-year-old Sunday school class while their teacher has a baby, just for the summer. I'm excited. I don't know if I've talked about it yet on this blog, but I also get to be a trek ma, come August. I'm very excited for that, it'll be a really good experience.

And dance. Of course. Dance takes up a lot of my time, but it's worth it. I can't wait for our big dance performance! It's going to be awesome! It will be a relief to have a break this summer though, I will admit.

Today I got a letter from Jeremy. I love that. He always says exactly what I need to hear. This letter was the best yet. I sure love that kid. And miss him. Summer and being him, plus going to the Institute building so much, makes me miss him a lot. I am so glad I still get to write to him. It's been about six months since he left. A fourth of the way done!

Well. That's my life. And it's crazy.

A few life lessons I've learned from dance

Creepers are everywhere. No, but really.

The harder you work, the more it pays off.

Goals take patience and work.

Doing something simply because you love it is the best motivation.

Do not drink a full water bottle of water right before dancing.

It's easier to keep going when you are surrounded by people you love.

One of the best feelings is pain that you know you earned.

If you don't try to get your leg up there, it's never gonna get up there.

Don't quit.

The most satisfying thing in the world is finally doing something you weren't able to do before.

You have to push yourself to grow.

Some days just aren't your day.

Practice.

When you have something in your eye, just cry.

Anyone can dance.

The best way to bond is working until you sweat and laughing until you can't breathe.

Some people never stop being your friend.

A simple dance with crossed feet and straight lines looks better than a complicated dance without.

Core really does affect the rest of your performance.

Sometimes you try and try and try without success and then, all of the sudden, it comes easy.

It's worth it.

There's not really a better feeling than getting a letter from your best friend who happens to be in Finland

I was cleaning out all my stuff again this summer, now that I'm back home and I came across this picture. I love this. So much. Especially when I compare it to one of my other favorite pictures of Jeremy and I together.

I miss my best friend.

It's been a month? Yeah ... About that ...

Wow, it's been quite a while since I've posted on my blogs! See, what happened was finals. And then I moved home. Yeah, it's nice. Except I don't have internet without my mom home. That's normally a good thing, since it's a lot easier not to waste time and everything. But then again, certain things like emailing Jeremy and writing on this blog don't seem to happen as often.

Ok, so maybe I do email Jeremy just as much. I sure miss that kid. It's a lot better now than a few weeks after he left, I will admit. Sometimes, though, something will just make me miss him tons. It happened this week. On Tuesday, I was texting some people and organizing a get-together with a few people to watch a movie. I wanted so badly to call Jeremy or go pick him up. It made me want to cry, knowing I couldn't. But he is doing so great, he is such an awesome missionary!

I finished up my finals just fine and got pretty decent grades. My first of college was fun, but it's a relief to be done. I am done at UVU for good now, I'll be going up to Weber next year. I'm so excited for that. There are a few good friends in Orem that I'll miss hanging out with, but for the most part, I'm glad to be out of Orem and to be going to Ogden. I've gone up a few times to figure out things and I already know I'll really like it. Plus, it's close to Ben and that'll be wonderful.

I got a new phone and a new job! I love both. I work at the Macey's grocery store deli, it's great. You can come visit me if you want. Just kidding. But really, I like it a lot. That's all I have so far for a definite plan for summer, but hopefully I get the rest figured out this next week.

That's basically my life right now. I'm still trying to figure out my plans for everything, but things are starting to fall into place. I'm excited to be doing the things that I am right now and am especially excited for next school year to start. I love being home for these few months and am so glad that I got a job. Ben is still so sweet and I have wonderful friends and family.

Well, I'll try to keep my posts updated. Goodbye for now!

Step outside for a minute.

This weather loves me. And I love it back.

This morning as I was driving back to Orem to go to my ward here for the last time, it was warm, my windows were down, and I was feeling very blessed. I love Sundays.

Some places in this world that I love:
My dance studio.
Ogden.
My room.
The temple.
My home.

Some people in this world that I love:
My mom.
My brothers and Alison. 
My entire family.
Ben.
My roommate Barbara.
Itzel and all of my friends.

Some things in this world that I love doing:
Driving.
Dancing.
Being in the sun.
Eating. I am so hungry today.
Writing blog posts. :)

"The Best Things in Life aren't Things."

I feel like every time I get on my blog, I write the same things. I write about how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do, with dance and my family and the gospel and everything. There's a reason for that. It's because it's true and that's my life. So. Once again, I am writing about how grateful I am for some of the people in my life. I'm actually grateful for all of them, but I don't want this post to be ridiculously long (which will probably happen anyways) so I am only going to write about a few of them in this post.

My mom is so great. I say this all the time, but I couldn't ever say it enough. I try to be a good daughter, but I don't do a very good job of that sometimes. My mom is always so great to me regardless. I hope I can always be there for her the way she is always there for me.

My extended family is one of the biggest blessings of my life. Always has been. My cousins really are my best friends and I love spending time with them. There is no where I would rather be than at a family party. I wish there was a way to describe the feeling that I get when I spend time with my family. It's a sort of peaceful, happy, loved, content feeling. Almost like the feeling you get at the temple. I know that I am loved where ever I go and whatever I do, because of them.

Jon, well, I couldn't ask for a better younger brother. I love talking with him. These past few weeks I have had more of a chance to drive around with him than normal. It's felt like last year, when we would drive all over the place together. We don't 'hang out' together or 'do activities' necessarily, but we run errands and go to temple and just drive home, talking, and that's the best thing in the world for me sometimes. He never ceases to cheer me up and he understands certain things about my life that no one else does.

My ballroom class this semester has been something of a miracle to me. I really needed it. This semester was really good, but it was also pretty hard, for a lot of different reasons. The friends I have made in that class have helped me so much, every single one of them. I love spending time with them and I love that we can always laugh together. I am so glad I signed up for that class.

Quinn is one of my friends from that class and I am so glad we met. He has helped me so much, in ways that he has no idea of. There are lots of people in this world that you can talk with, but there are not very many that you really talk to. He's one of those people. I hope that no matter what happens in our lives, we stay friends.

My dance class is the thing I probably talk the most about here on this blog. I'm sorry, I can't help it. When I think of good things in my life, people that have helped me, or big things in my life right now, I automatically think of them. The thing is, though, I honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have them. They make my life 110% better every time I'm with them. We laugh our guts out and eat so much pie all the time and just work hard together. They are true friends to me. I know I annoy them sometimes and I don't always put in my best. Sometimes I get overbearing and put in too much. Because we're so comfortable together (and spend so much time together), they get to see a lot of my flaws. They have seen me at my worse, sweaty and gross. And yet, for some reason, they are still my friends and I love them for that. No matter where any of us go or what we do in our lives, we'll always be best friends. There are some things you can't go through together without that happening.

Jeremy Troff. Of course he's on this list. He's my other half. Even on his mission, he helps me so much. I've been missing him a lot lately. I don't know why. I miss talking with him. Luckily, I get to email him every week and every once in a while, I even get a letter. So much time has gone by since he left, it's crazy. It feels like no time has passed, but at the same time, when I think back to when he left, it feels like that was ten years ago. He is such an example to me, though, and such a great missionary. I can't wait to see him again.

Ben is such a wonderful part of my life. It can be hard, with him so far away sometimes. I miss him a lot. That's something that has made this semester a little difficult. Something a couple of girls have told me when I mentioned this was that I am lucky to even have him. And they're right, one hundred percent. He is so wonderful to me always and it won't be like this for too much longer. I don't ever want to forget, even when we don't get to be together, how blessed I am to have a guy like him.

The Lord is also an 'of course' on this list. I am so grateful for His love and blessings in my life. I don't do enough to show that gratitude or even express it enough. I'm working on it though and He's always patient with me and always, always there for me when I need it.

I don't know how anyone could look at my life and the wonderful people who love me without seeing how truly blessed I am. I hope I never can.