So. I'm going on a mission.

My papers are done and filled out. I have an appointment with the bishop Wednesday and can hopefully talk to the stake president next Sunday. It's crazy to think that I'm going. Actually going. Every time I think about it, it .. I don't even know what to think. But I also get this really excited, happy feeling. I know this is right. 

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/welcome-to-conference?lang=eng

I'm sure you've all read this or seen this or heard this. Pretty much everyone is freaking out about it. And I have heard so many girls say that this was answer to their prayers. Well. I wanted to talk about my story with this for a minute, how it was an answer to my prayers and how the Lord has been preparing me for this for a long time. 

When I think of how many factors have gone into it, it blows my mind. I don't even know quite where to start. I guess I'll start by saying that I was not planning on a mission. When I was younger, I thought that a mission would be something I would want to do. Then I grew up a little and started liking boys a lot more and I honestly just wanted to get married. I didn't want to leave when I was twenty-one. When I got home, I'd then be twenty-three and, even though I know that's still young, it seems really old to me. There were a lot of things in my life that made me think that a mission, as good as it would be, just wasn't for me. But the Lord knew better and He helped me out by getting me ready for this. 

First of all, one of the big reasons, as I said before, that I didn't think I would go is because I really wanted to get married. When I was in high school, I really just wanted to be with someone. I don't really know how to explain the feeling, but I'm sure everyone has felt that before at some point. I think it is a natural and good desire, to want to love and be loved by someone. I understood that I should wait for high school to be finished first, plus I was dating my hundred guys. However, I did not see how I could possibly make it five years without finding someone and getting married. I didn't want to wait that long. 

I also was very worried about the timing of it with Jeremy and his mission. If I left right when I turned twenty one, I might leave before Jeremy got home and then have to go almost four years without seeing him. That was just about the most unappealing thought out there. Two years is long enough. Two and a half years (as it now will be) is pushing it. Any more than that and it just does not seem like a very good thing at all to me. I miss that kid so much, I can hardly stand it at times. 

So. The timing works better if I can leave right now. I will get home just six months after Jeremy and will be only twenty-one. The Lord has blessed me, as well, to now be okay single in my life. That sounds a little silly, but it's very true. At any other time, even just a week before, I don't think I would have been as willing to go out when they announced the age change. When I was in high school, I just wanted to fall in love. I wanted it badly. Then my first year of college, I did just that. Right after my boyfriend and I broke up, however, I still don't think I would have been ready to go. I had to go through a process of figuring some things out and being truly happy again. The timing of it was perfect. 

Another thing I keep thinking about is how the Lord has put things in my life to prepare for this perfectly. I already had gotten my wisdom teeth out as a Junior, so I didn't have to worry about that. I haven't ever had any major problems with surgery or sickness. I haven't had anything in my life that would stop or slow the process at all. I have some student loans from last year that I need to pay off before I leave, but even in that respect, the Lord has blessed me tremendously. This past summer, all my plans for my life (particularly my plans for this year) all just sort of broke apart. I have to admit, I was not happy about this. I liked my plans. I was a little heart broken to see them not work out. But it turned out better. I was able to live at home this semester, going to SLCC for school. It allowed me to save up money which I can put towards my student loans, kept me from needing to take out any more loans, and let me keep my job which is still earning me money to put towards my loans and to put away in savings. 

In regards to the student loans, the Lord has allowed me with another blessing, another way to pay it off no matter how soon I leave. Last summer, I had a 2003 blue Mitsubishi Lancer that I absolutely adored. And it adored me back. It was such a great car; I wanted to drive it for the rest of my life. And then, some lady ran a red light and .. it was totaled. Really badly. As in, the estimation to fix it was 7,000 dollars. Definitely not worth it. So, we got rid of it and eventually (after a lot of headache) our wonderful home teacher sold me the car I drive now, for the best deal I could ever have asked for. That was a huge blessing in my life. At the time, I felt that it was a big trial to me; I loved my car and it caused me a lot of worry and stress. My grandpa gave me a blessing, in which he promised I would see this as a blessing someday, despite how hard it was for me at the present. My grandma reiterated this later, promising me that I would see blessings in the long run. I've often wondered about that, and kept a lookout for those blessings. Now I am seeing them. I can sell the car I have now, to be debt free and able to serve a mission. I know that if I had my blue car still, I would never sell it. I would have someone keep it for me until I got home from my mission. If that was the case, though, I would be a lot more worried about money right now. I would not be able to be starting my papers, because I would need to first figure out how I could pay off the student loans. What a blessing to me that I have been able to drive this car for the past year and a half and now am able to use it to enable me to serve the Lord! 

And then this summer happened. This summer was not what I expected at all, but it turned out to be FULL of blessings. The biggest of which was, how close Jon and I got. Both Jon and I were having a rough summer and we were able to be there for each other. The way the Lord prepared us for that is a whole other  story, longer almost than this already-forever-long-blog-post. But, Jon and I started doing different things together. We started running, early every morning. We went off TV shows, movies, video games, processed sugar, meat for the most part, a lot of animal products. We got chickens and built a chicken coop. We wanted to eat healthy and got way into healthy living. We tried to find ways to serve our ward and bring them closer together. We started working on this project of gathering family stories, particularly from our grandparents. We decided we wanted to memorize hymns and scriptures and quotes, all sorts of things. We were doing it all together, which not only brought us very close, but made it easier; and Jon was definitely better at most of it than I was. It was great though. We both needed something to get us through the hard times we were having and what we did together was perfect. Then one day, we got thinking that a lot of the stuff we were doing would be great preparation for a mission. Before the age change, if we both went on missions, we would have left at the same time since I'm two years older than him. So, we made it official and started preparing for a mission, even attending mission prep classes despite how young we were. We went to mission prep all summer. When we heard about the age change, we could not believe it. This is probably the biggest way the Lord has prepared both my brother and I for missions, much earlier than we were anticipating. 

There is still a lot I need to do, in a small amount of time. I feel like I should have been studying harder and learning about the gospel more my whole life, even with the little helps the Lord has blessed me with. However, I have not felt this right about something in a very long time. I know that this is the right thing for my life right now and I also know that, even after all the things the Lord has done for me already, He will continue to bless me as I do this. And for that, my heart is full of gratitude.