Happy Easter!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICcjgBrG-oM

No need to say goodbye ...

I do this thing when I'm driving at night by myself, where I find songs that are ... more melancholy. Not depressing, just a little bit sad. Slower. The kind that make you sigh. It's one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. 

On Monday night, I was driving home in the dark, by myself. Just like I've done every Monday for the past three years (the years before that, we had dance at various times and days, and also my mom drove me). As I was driving, though, I couldn't help but think about all the years of driving home from dance I've had. Especially driving home's like the one I was experiencing right at that particular moment. 

 I remember driving home always feeling simply on top of the world. The thing about my dance class is we don't only go to dance and dance, we go to dance and laugh so hard we can't breathe. We work hard together, but we also laugh hard together. You know that great feeling you get after you work out? And you know the most wonderful feeling in the world of laughing for two hours straight? That's what dance is, those two feelings combined. 

My senior year of high school, when I was done with school and living at home and everything seniors get tired of (life in general, mostly), dance is where I turned. Literally. I would sit in class (all of which, at that point, were so pointless, just in case anyone was wondering) and write out our dances, or count them out in my head. I would even, sometimes, pull out my iPod and just listen to the songs, dancing the dances in my head. That's what I would do at work, too. Because I did custodial work and it was always the same route, everyday for three years, I didn't have to think much about what I was doing, so I would put the dance music playing on my iPod and go through the dances, one at a time. I pretty much choreographed my section of couples at work. 

Dance was the very best thing about high school for me, followed shortly by my few really good friends and the many dates I went on. But dance was the best. 

Then, when I was a senior, I got into BYU-Idaho and I really wanted to go. I was scared to death of moving away and I was sad to leave everything, but I was stoked. I had roommates, that I was friends with on Facebook already, and classes and housing and everything. And I was stoked. But, thinking about leaving dance made me cry. All the time. Jeremy told me he thought I was too attached. He didn't understand how much a part of me dance had become. 

I would drive home the last couple of months and weeks from dance and cry, every week. I would think, I only have three more weeks of this and then it's over. And it broke my heart, more than I can say. 

Then, for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't want to leave dance and the opportunity to teach dance, I decided I would go to UVU. I remember Katelyn Duncan's last dance performance, up at Payson. It would have been mine too, if I hadn't decided what I'd decided. She cried, of course. It made me cry, watching her cry and knowing that I wouldn't have to leave. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNsQewlFtEs

When I was ten, I was in both ballet and Irish. After a year of that, I had to choose between the two. I chose Irish. I used to always say it was the best decision I'd ever made in my life. Actually, though, UVU was, because these past three years of dancing have been the best of my life. I love my dance class so much. 

Now, I'm going off and doing more stuff in life. I'd be leaving anyways, what with my now-on-hold mission call. That was the only part of putting in my papers that was hard--knowing I'd have to leave dance. With BYU and getting married and hopefully the folk dance team and work, I don't know if I'm going to have time for dance anymore. I definitely want to keep teaching my little girls. I don't know what will happen next year. 

I do know, though, that no matter what, dance will always be a huge part of me. My dance classes and dance teachers have impacted me more than they will ever know. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for all them. Especially my Hot Tamales. 

I might stop dancing soon. And you know what? It breaks my heart just as much now as it did three years ago to think about it. Breaks my heart. 

Dance does that to a person.

Soooo, I'm getting married. And this is why.

Can I tell you a story? 

Me and Jeremy :)

Once, I was seventeen-years-old. And Jeremy, my best friend in the whole world, was turning eighteen. That's because he is older than me by a month; he loves to rub that in. I'm mostly fine with it. When he turned eighteen, he decided to hold a birthday party. And, acting very much like he always did, he told me about this party three days before it was supposed to take place. I already plans, having committed to babysit for a family in my ward. But, I knew that I would have killed Jeremy if he missed my birthday, so I told him I would be there. Late. 

I just didn't realize how late. It seemed to me the forces were against me that night. I'm a Troff, though, and very stubborn. I got to the party so late that almost everyone else had gone home. To my surprise, there was kid there (who hadn't gone home yet) that I didn't know. AND he was really cute. 

This is the kid

So, this cute kid and I shared some discreet looks across the room, and shyly avoided each other until the party was over. We only talked once, while helping Brynndi get her shoes on. But he did push my car out of the snow. I found out his name was Benjamin Anderson and I fell asleep thinking of him. 

Ben had a crush on me after that weekend. He started doing things that kind of weirded me out a little. Ben now claims he thought he was being discreet. Ha. It was just little things, mostly through Facebook, but when a guy likes you and you don't like him, you can always tell. I decided that I didn't want to like him and mostly avoided talking to him when I could. 

After I turned eighteen, near the beginning of January, I was at work when Jeremy called me. He asked what I was doing on Friday, but then wouldn't tell me why he wanted to know. I knew it was because Ben was going to call and ask me out and I was right. I said yes, of course, because I was in the process of dating a hundred guys and he seemed cool enough, as a friend. 

That date was my favorite of my hundred. It was so fun. We made sock puppets, the boys put on a puppet show, we played this hilarious game, and we watched Psych. I just remember laughing my head off and falling for Ben. I fell hard that night. 

We were both shy, and neither of us was certain of the other's feelings. We didn't see each other a ton the next few months, but the more I got to know him, even back then, the more I was certain that Ben was the kind of guy I wanted to marry. 

Things were a little shaky during the summer and right as I was starting college. Ben even dated another girl for a few weeks. I had eyes only for Ben. After he broke up with the other girl, things between us started escalating and almost exactly a year after our first date (a few weeks after Jeremy left on his mission), Ben and I started dating each other exclusively.

We dated for six months. Those were both the best and the hardest six months of my life. It was the best because I was dating Ben and I have never been so happy in my life as when I'm with him. It was the hardest, though, because we were dating long distance and I missed him so much it hurt. 

At the end of June, we broke up. It wasn't because we wanted to, or because things weren't working. The Lord played a huge hand in the matter, because the timing was not right. The Lord needed Ben in Vernal, and He needed me in West Jordan, and that could not happen while we were dating. We also both needed some time to grow up. We didn't know at the time that our break up was just temporary, and so we both were trying to get over each other. That was hard. 

In October, I couldn't handle it. I knew I wasn't over Ben, and I was trying to date other people, but it wasn't working. So I talked to Ben and told him that. He answered that he wasn't sure, but that he wanted to talk again. And so, we did. In December, he let me know that he still loved me as well. By this time, I had my mission call to North Carolina, leaving April 3rd. Ben didn't tell me at the time, but his plan was to wait while I went on a mission and then date and marry me when I got home. 

Then, about three weeks ago, I sent Ben something that I had written. While reading it, he decided that he didn't want to wait. Ben wrote me a letter, telling me that. He said that if I felt I needed to go on a mission still, he was ready to wait a year and half. He just wanted me to have the choice. I prayed and fasted and went to the temple and did all the things that you are supposed to do when faced with a choice like this. And you know what? 

I felt like, if I went on a mission, God would happy. I also felt like, if I stayed here and got married, God would also be happy. When talking with my grandma later about that, she pointed out, that kind of answer makes sense, because both those things accomplish the Lord's purpose. 

And so, we're getting married. If you made it all the way through the story, congratulations. It was more for me than anyone else. There are a lot of details, a lot of promptings from the Spirit, a lot of reasons and meaning behind things, a lot of love and friendship and tears and a million other things that I left out. If I were to tell them all, I might as well write a novel about this. 

But basically, to sum it all up, we're getting married because ... 

He doesn't speed, even on the freeway.
He likes my eyebrows.
Our eyes match.
It doesn't matter what we do, we just like doing things together. And doing nothing.
He loves books.
We laugh until we can't breath.
He thinks that I have a pretty voice.
He eats oatmeal for breakfast.
He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.
We're in love. And have been for a long time. And will be for, well, forever.

I LOVE ...

Not being sick. And actually being able to swallow. It's nice to eat again. (I lost four and a half pounds last week ...)

Having a clean room.

My brother Jon. So freaking much.
And my mom. And Luke. And that they're married.
And Eric and Alison. And that they live so close.

Church.

The Book of Mormon.

Dance. And ALL that that word entails. Seriously. All.

Sleep.

Being in love.

All the people in my life.

Letters. Both writing them and receiving them.

My little girls. And that they love me.

My job.

That I'm going to BYU.

Books. Oh man. Books.

Writing.

My whole family. All of them. Seriously. If you knew my family, you would understand.

All the people in my life. I really am so blessed, but the main reason I am blessed is because of all the wonderful people in my life who I love and who love me back. They are the reason I am happy.