You know you're pregnant when you have popcorn and hot chocolate for dinner.

I'm getting really close to my due date, it's crazy. I haven't gotten to that point some women talk about, when they just want the baby out of them. I've been really blessed with a pretty easy pregnancy and still like being pregnant. I have to admit, though, that there are times I really want to hold my baby. Not that I would mind if she came late, just so that I have longer to get more schoolwork done before I have a baby to balance with class.

Of course, I could go into labor safely any day now. Ben and I were laughing the other night, thinking of places that would be less than ideal for me to go into labor at.

At the testing center at BYU, in the middle of one of my tests.

On the drive between here and Vernal, in the middle of nowhere somewhere.
(which won't happen; it's too far to travel this close to my due date).

In the middle of a temple session.

While teaching dance in Riverton.

On the bus to or from school.

Of course, none of these scenarios is very likely. Luckily, I spend most of my time at or near home. Even if I did go into labor any of these places, it would be easily handled.

Now we just wait and see when and where it happens.

Just an Update

Well. Life has been crazy lately.

Ben is in the last week of Kickstarter project for a book on a programming language that he's writing. It's been really exciting to see how successful it's been. Now he just has to finish the book and hopefully people will continue to buy it even after the Kickstarter finishes.

On top of writing a book, Ben is also working full time at TestOut, going to school part time, working on contract work for Kynetx (the company he previously worked for) still and another contract job with GameMaker. He's also started working out again, now that one of his friends is up here in Orem to go with. On top of all of that, he is continuing to work on his YouTube channel doing GameMaker tutorials (the main reason for our Kickstarter success) and working on his game Grain War. He is crazy busy at the moment.

I have started my new semester and I'm really enjoying it. It's SO much better than last semester. I am taking 15 credits, 9 of which are online. I am also doing a credit of research assisting to finish off my capstone and taking a D&C class through the Orem Institute for BYU credit to get my final religion credit out of the way. I like all of my classes a lot so far and the teachers all seem really willing to work with my pregnancy and soon-to-be-here baby.

I also am a TA (teacher's assistant), which is about 5 to 10 hours a week, but I get paid for it. The teacher I am doing it for doesn't mind that I'm having a baby in a month and seems really chill with things. I love that teacher and the class, though, and am really excited to be doing it.

I have taken a break from dancing, since it's pretty dangerous to do those kinds of things this late in pregnancy. I really miss it and am hoping to go back in January. I am still teaching, though, and love that. I love all my students so much and am really excited to be able to teach them hardshoe; I've only ever taught advanced hardshoe, so beginner is a new experience for me and I'm really excited for it.

Ben and I were laughing, with how busy we are, that we are adding a baby to all of it soon. We are really excited for that, though, even though we know it will be a transition for us. Life has been going really well for us and we're very grateful.

Pregnancy: The Unexpected

You read all the time about the morning sickness, mood swings, and extra trips to the bathroom. Some things you just expect to come with your pregnancy. There are some things, though, that I was definitely not  expecting.

How often she moves. I was expecting the kicks, but she moves ALL the time. And by moves, I mean, she really moves. She rolls around and squirms all over the place. And the hiccups. It's really cute. 

The back aches. I have a pain in my rib cage--a ligament pain--, which is apparently really normal. It only bothers me when I sit too long, so like when we drive to Vernal or when I actually sat through all of class last semester. I also recently have been experiencing just plain back aches. It's really weird for me, I've never had any problems with my back whatsoever. I'm getting bigger, of course, but I don't think I'm that big yet, so it surprised me that I would be getting back pains already. 

The weight gain fluctuations. I have the weirdest weight gain, I swear. When I first was pregnant, I lost seven pounds, due to my inability to even look at food while morning sick. After that first appointment, though, I did my best to get enough calories and gained back four pounds. After that, my morning sickness was (thankfully) gone and I was back to eating. I thought this meant I would continue to gain weight, but apparently my sudden reactivity (i.e. being able to move again) took its toll and I lost the four pounds I had previously gained. After that, it was a constant fluctuation between gaining and losing until finally I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight about a month ago. Then this last visit, I found out I had gained ten pounds in two weeks. I hadn't been doing anything different and I hadn't noticed a big change except in my stomach (which got a lot bigger and much more pregnancy-ish), so we figure my baby must have had a growth spurt. I'm interested to see what the change is this next week. 

The irritability. I was so worried that I was going to be an emotional wreck due to pregnancy hormones. You hear all these stories about it and I was a very emotional person before I was pregnant. Pregnancy, though, kind of chilled me out. At least at first. I've had a few emotional moments that I fully blame on pregnancy (like that time I started crying when I was telling Ben about cheating on my pregnancy diet and eating a hamburger) but for the most part, I have been more relaxed emotionally. Except for my irritability, mostly when I'm walking on campus. I get so annoyed at people sometimes, for really dumb things. Like, why are their shoes so LOUD? Do they have to walk so SLOW? Why are they walking THREE across the sidewalk? I don't know why, but walking around BYU campus sometimes gets me so riled up.  

How HOT I feel, all the time. The 100 degree weather we've had this year? Yeah, it kills me now. I'm fine if I can stay indoors most of the day, or at least when it's hottest outside. When I was in school and had to walk back from class between noon and three, THAT was horrible. There were days I didn't go to class simply because I couldn't handle the thought of having to go outside when it was so hot.

The hunger. I have been so hungry, since like ten weeks. I'm serious. I have to take snacks to church or I can't stay the whole time. I thought (from what I'd read online) that the hunger would subside during the second trimester. Nope. It's been a constant thing. I don't understand the weight fluctuations simply because I eat all the time. I have gone into pretty much every appointment expecting to have gained a ton. Ben calls me his baby dinosaur ... meanie. I do eat a lot, but I make sure it is all healthy food, so I don't feel bad. I know that if my body is telling me to eat, then I need to.

How much I already love this little baby. I am not worried about feeling a connection with Ashtyn when she's born or anything like that. I already feel like she is my life and I would do anything for her. I am so excited for when I can hold her; sometimes I see other babies and my heart just aches for her to be born. I know it's going to be hard and I have my reservations (particularly about the whole not sleeping very much thing), but I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now with my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. That is what God sent me here for, I can feel it. I know that any of the little things with pregnancy that might be uncomfortable or inconvenient, they're worth it. I'm doing this all for my daughter and that's all that matters. 

Plugging Away At School ... Reluctantly

I'm feeling really burned out with school. I know that I'm almost done, but it doesn't feel close enough. I just feel ready to be done. I want to be able to do the stuff that I want to do, instead of homework and writing papers on subjects that I don't really care about and studying for stupid tests.

It's not that I don't like learning. I just want to focus learning about the stuff that I want to learn about and I really want to focus on my own writing. I also want to do stuff to help Ben with his projects right now. I am half way through the term, meaning I have four weeks left. It's killing me though.

Five credits is considered full time, you can take 9 credits. It's less because BYU breaks up summer semester into two terms--Spring and Summer. I was planning on taking 9 credits both terms and then finish off my last few classes winter semester, taking fall off to have the baby. Then I got a scholarship for fall (not for winter) and went in to talk with my adviser to figure out what I was going to do.  I discovered, though, that (due to graduation credit requirements), I had to take more credits than I had planned for. We decided it would be best to just push through and finish.So she got me set up for twelve credits this semester and I decided to try to finish this fall.

That sounded like the best plan at the time. It still does, actually. Except that I feel like dropping out of school because I'm so sick of it. Of course, there's no way I'd drop out with only 14 credits to go, but it sounds more and more tempting with every homework assignment I get.

One of the classes I have right now is fine--SFL 325, Forming Marital Relationships. I like it a lot and it's not too hard. I have homework, of course, but it is manageable and I'm interested in it. It's the easiest 300+ level class I've ever had. Seriously. But I like it a lot. For three of my credits, I'm a research assistant for the professor of that class and I love that (when I don't feel so overwhelmed trying to get my weekly hours AND getting all my other homework done).

My other two classes are the ones that are killing me. The first one is Nutrition 100. Yeah, a 100 level class on nutrition. Sounds easy, right? That's what I thought, which is why I took it as a filler credit. Totally isn't an easy class. The workload is huge and they didn't cut it back any for summer term despite it only being eight weeks. We have a test less than every two weeks, and they're HARD tests. I love nutrition, so I thought I would love the class. Unfortunately, I don't.

My last class is the worst. It fulfills my second humanitarian credit (because every person with a degree needs to take two humanitarian classes, right?). It's called Classical Tradition. I kept trying to take philosophy to fill it, but it never worked out (it filled up too fast). This was what I thought was the next best option. I should have taken it fall. The teacher is insane. He has his class read twelve books and doesn't cut it down for summer term (that's twelve books in eight weeks). That's on top of his four tests, two papers, and two quizzes every class period. He lectures for half the time on the books we read and the other half of the time, he lectures on the history around that time period. I am not really interested in the subject and it's SO MUCH work for the stupid credit. It's killing me.

I think if I can just get through the next four weeks and pass all my classes, then I'll be okay. Just four more weeks and a bunch of homework.

Pregnant Life

Well, life is crazy. I am 27 weeks today and barely in my third trimester. I only have about three months left until Ashtyn gets here, which totally blows my mind. I'm so excited.

We've been getting all ready for her. We love yard sales and KSL. We already have so many clothes, all of which have been like twenty five or fifty cents each at yard sales. We got a cute little Winnie the Pooh stroller for ten dollars, which we were pretty happy about. The best deal we've gotten so far, though, is our car seat. It came with a base, insert, and cover and is only a year old, no accidents. It was only twenty dollars for everything. We were so excited! We've also had so many people helping us out, we're so blessed. We got our crib, basically brand new for free, along with a playpen. I've also had so many offers for baby showers, I feel so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.

I've organized all the clothes, though I'm sure I'll reorganize it many times more before she actually gets here. I've tried to clean all the stuff we've been storing in our spare room and put it other places. That's been a project and a half. It's close to being done though. This week, we're getting rid of the bed in there and then we can set up the crib and everything. I still have no idea how to decorate ...

I've been doing everything I can to make sure I'm ready to give birth too. I have a bunch of supplements and vitamins that I take, exercises and stretches that I do, and I try to do Hypnobabies everyday. I am following a pretty strict diet to make sure I get my baby all the nutrients it needs without putting anything that might harm my body or the baby (and that would make labor more difficult). That can be pretty challenging at times, but my sweet husband is doing it with me and we have found lots of really delicious, totally diet-approved foods.

I love being pregnant, but I don't really love school. I'm taking 12 credits right now, which (because it is a term instead of a semester) is the equivalent of taking 21 credits. It's really crazy. Two of my classes are lower level general classes, which I thought would make it easier. They are way harder than my upper-division credits, though, simply because of the workload. I feel like I'm drowning. I only have four more weeks and then I'll be done with this semester. I know it'll get easier (at least at first) then. I'll also have a week break then, which will be nice since it's my first week-long break since Christmas. I can't wait until December when I'm done with school for forever!

Benjamin is ...

My best friend. 

My dance partner. 

My sweetheart. 

My partner. 

My biggest supporter. 

My motivator. 

My love. 

Tithing blessings

When we first got married, Ben was working full time at Wells Fargo and we had about three thousand (after our wedding and honeymoon) saved. Then summer ended and we both started school. Working banker hours and going to school wasn't really a plausible option, so Ben took the opportunity to start getting some computer science experience. It was hard financially, because he not only was making less per hour, but went from full time to part time as well.

I don't really know how we've made it this year. Doing taxes, I was amazed at how we've always been able to pay for everything we've needed even with how little we'd made since we'd gotten married. But we have.

There were so many times when we saw out tithing blessings at work. For example, this week we had both Ben's and my school payments due, totaling about $850. We had no idea how we were going to pay it. Then we get the email telling Ben that his payment is due, but the email said we only owed twenty dollars (instead of 520). When I went online to try and figure out why, turns out Ben got a summer stipend that we hadn't known about. Because of that, we were able to sell Ben's iPad and make the payment while still having enough for rent and gas and everything. It was a HUGE blessing.

This happens to us all the time though. We won't know how we're going to pay for school or rent or something and then somehow, we always make it. We get Ben's paycheck a week early, or get my dance check, or unexpected money shows up. I have never had a hard time with paying tithing and neither has Ben, but this past year has really strengthened my testimony of both the importance of tithing and God's love for us.

Right now we're really excited because Benjamin just got a job he was really hoping to get. Their job interview process was very extensive, so we've been waiting for awhile to hear back on it. It is a really good position, though. He's now going back to full time, making more than he was when he was at Wells Fargo, and he's going to receive benefits (which will be nice when he turns 26 and we have to get him his own health insurance). Besides that, though, it's with a company that we both really like so far and the position is one that he's really going to enjoy and grow in. Ben says that he can see himself staying here for the rest of his career. It's worked out perfectly.

Just some more tithing blessings, probably.

Baby Excitement

I'm all excited for our baby. I can't even handle it.

I spent all day yesterday figuring out our baby registry. And by all day, I mean all day. School and cleaning and all other responsibilities took a backseat to my baby excitement. I'm not sorry at all.

It took so long because of how many blogs and articles there are online outlining what you need for your baby and why (or what you don't actually need for your baby and why). That's nice, because then you can figure out what's going to be best for your baby a lot better, but it was a lot to go through. I think I have figured out the best quality baby stuff for the least amount of money. Hopefully.

I put a lot of stuff on the registry that I probably am going to take down before anyone goes and looks at it, since it's stuff Ben and I will buy (like a nicer camera than our iPods to take adorable pictures of Ash or plastic drawers for her dresser) but it is nice to have everything I think I'm going to need organized in one place.

I really am so excited. Sometimes I can hardly contain it.

A Change in Priorities

Benjamin and I found out yesterday that we're having a daughter!

Benjamin was surprised; everyone was so sure that we were having a boy simply because I wanted a girl so badly. I had almost talked myself into the idea of a boy just in case. But it's a girl and I couldn't be happier (not that I wouldn't have been happy with a boy).

Ultrasound of Ashtyn being adorable, her foot up by her head

Her name is going to be Ashtyn Dee Anderson. She was so cute on the ultrasound, already. She had curled up so that her foot was up by her head and and she kept grabbing her foot with her hand. It feels surreal still, thinking of our daughter. I'm starting to feel her now, though, so that makes it even more real to me.

I have been thinking a lot about my grandma Pat lately, especially since we found out our baby is a girl. Grandma Pat died when I was four, but I have always felt a close connection with her. A short while before she found out she was sick, my mom had troubles with the house (water and gas) and we ended up staying with my grandparents for a few months until they were able to fix it. During that time, Grandma Pat found time each day to do something with me, one on one and, because of that, I hold faint memories of her. I have felt her near me during very special times in my life.

Grandma Pat holding her first daughter (my mom)

Despite my close feelings with her, I never knew a lot about my grandma Pat until I was a high school senior, when I read a memoir she had written before passing away. I was surprised to read that, as a teenager, she had loved world dance and that she had even tried out for the folk dance team while at BYU. She hadn't made the team, but was encouraged to take some world dance classes and try out again the next fall. She wrote in her memoir that she felt she had a good chance of making it onto the team, but that she met my grandpa and her priorities changed.

By the time I read this, I had been doing Irish step-dancing for more than ten years and it was my passion. I loved dance more than anything else in high school. One of my friends from dance took me with her to a BYU folk dance performance and we both just fell in love with the idea of being on the team. I could not understand how my grandmother could have given up the same opportunity that I was dreaming of.

Our last performance my senior year

Well, then I graduated from high school and I didn't make it into BYU. I was a little crushed at first, until my mom reminded me that this wasn't the end of my dream. I enrolled at UVU and my mom got me, as an "apartment warming" gift, the Willow Tree Irish Dancer statue. It was to remind me of the goal--the BYU folk dance team--that I was still working towards.

I worked really hard in my classes to get good grades and practiced dance like crazy. I applied for BYU again, this time as a transfer student, and almost couldn't believe it when I got my acceptance letter. It truly was a dream come true for me.

Ben and I got married the week before I started at BYU spring semester. That fall, I tried out for the folk dance team and ... didn't make it.

I was sad, but I wasn't as disappointed as I would have thought. I took a world dance class that semester and the teacher encouraged me to try out that next semester. I was planning on it, but then Ben and I were in California the week of try outs. That day, knowing I was missing try outs, was terrible for me. It was worse than if I had tried out and didn't make it. Turns out, though, that my missing the try out was a blessing in disguise.

About a month after we got home from California, we found out I was pregnant and a month after that, my morning sickness was pretty bad. School got really hard and I know that if I had been able to make it on the team, it would have been very difficult for me to participate.

Now I think back on my grandmother's words, "... but my priorities changed." I understand them a lot more now than I did when I was in high school. I still love dance, but not like I did before. Now there is a bigger place in my heart for my husband and for this little baby that we haven't even met yet.

My adorable husband and I

I guess that's part of starting a family and becoming a mother. The things you care about most change. In high school, I couldn't understand that and the concept would have even made me a little sad. But now I understand. My life can (and should!) be filled with interests and goals, allowing me to always be improving myself. BUT I am no longer the center of my own world. My own interests and hobbies are no longer the most important thing in my life. And that's alright.

That's the way it is supposed to be.

Making a Budget

Ben and I both are pretty much on the same page when it comes to money. There are certain things we feel are worth spending money on--such as healthier foods or books--and we both understand the importance of savings. We have set many financial goals for ourselves--never having a car payment (by not buying a brand new car) and saving a 20-40% down payment before we buy a house. We aren't the best with our money, but we aren't bad either. Besides student loans, we have no debt (and even student loans we have done everything we could to keep those very low). 

The one thing we haven't done that you, really, have to if you want to be good with your money is write out a budget. 

We just sort of are careful with our money but still do pretty much whatever we want. Right now, we are living on Ben's part time, $13 an hour job and both going to school full time. A few months after we got married, we had my part time income (about $800 a month) added as well. We had about $4000 in savings when we got married, which was promptly wiped out by tuition when school started. When I was doing our taxes, it amazed me to see how little we had made since we'd gotten married. It amazed me because we've been fine. We had to get a student loan for me second semester, but other than that, we haven't had to ask for money from anyone. It has always just worked out so that we had the money we needed for everything. We definitely were living off of tithing blessings. 

Now that I'm almost done with school, saving money has become more important to me because it means that we can move. Which means, as soon as we have the money, we can buy a house. That is so exciting to us. We both want a house so badly. 

I have been reading a lot online about budgeting and saving money. I have started doing things such as meal planning and making a price list to cut down our grocery list. This morning, I decided to write out our income and expenses to see where we were at. 

We have about $1300 in expenses. That's with $150 limit for groceries and other necessities (shampoo, toothpaste, etc.) and $60 for gas. The other expenses are set and there isn't much we can do about them. 

Our income is about $1360. I make $160 from teaching dance monthly, Ben (this month!) started getting paid from his Youtube channel, which is about $100, and then Ben makes $1100 from his job with Kynetx.

I was showing Ben and he said, "How do we survive?" It was hilarious. I honestly don't know how we've made ends meet. We aren't huge spenders, but we do spend money on things that we don't really need. We eat out sometimes and buy books. 

I do want to save money though. Every blog you read will tell you that it isn't how much you make, it's how much you spend. That is true, but to not spend when you make very little means a lot of sacrifices. 

We have done a good job in the last year cutting back on expenses. We use our iPods for texting and have (call only) phones that are part of his parents' family plan, which brings our bill to about $20 a month. Our car insurance bill is as low as can possibly be--we have only one, not very nice or new car. Our rent is very reasonable for such a nice apartment--it's actually reasonable for any apartment. We save money other ways with our apartment as well: our landlords let us use their internet; we live literally next door to UVU, so Ben just walks to school; we are super close to the freeway; the only utilities we pay are electricity (about $25 a month) and gas (about $5). Plus we love our ward and the people we rent from. We will probably stay with this apartment until we move to a house. 

I've gone over and over our expenses. They aren't very large but it would be nice to be able to lower them. I honestly cannot find a way we could cut back on them. We could get rid of our phones, but we don't think it's worth it. We want to get rid of our Gold's Gym membership, but Ben is locked in for another year and they say there is no way to end it early (*grumble grumble grumble*).  

We do have about $3000 saved from our tax return, but that money is baby money (hooray!) saved for our birthing center payments. We also have Ben's school tuition for summer (mine is mostly paid for by scholarship and financial aid, thankfully). 

Basically, Ben and I have decided that we just need to make more money. Haha. Ben is working on a game project right now and we want to start a kickstarter (which is basically a place you can put unfinished projects up to let people preorder) for it in July. We're asking for $20,000 and are hoping to get more than that from the game. If that is successful, then it will be a huge step in our savings for our house. With Ben's schooling, we also have decided to take it slowly. It will work better for his personality while he's working to only do one or two classes at a time until he finishes. Since I'll be finished with school, our former $8,000+ annual college tuition will be dropped to less than $3,000. SO NICE. 

Anyways, I am not really sure why I wrote this post. It was mostly for me to think through all of this. I needed to remind myself that Ben and i have been cutting it close with our budget since we've been married and it's always worked out, not to mention look forward to when we can have more of a savings cushion this summer. I do think that we are going to have a lot of money, simply because Ben and I are both dreamers; we have so many ideas and Ben knows how to make those ideas work. I know that the budgeting habits I am learning right now while we have such a small income will serve me well throughout my whole life and let us use our money wisely, no matter how much we have. 

Buying a baby ... Why didn't we think of that??

When I told my cousins that I was having a baby, my little cousin Adylinne said, "I want to see the baby," not being old enough to understand how pregnancy and birth work yet. At our family Easter egg hunt tonight, Adylinne came up to me to ask if I had my baby yet. "Nope," I said. "It's only this big." I held up my fingers in a circle about the size of a lemon. I told her that it still had to grow and wouldn't be here until almost Halloween, to which she replied "Wow, that's a long time!" Later, she came up with a brilliant solution to my long wait. "Charly (pronounced Carly), if your baby takes too long to get here," she told me, "you can just buy one." "Oh really? From where?" I asked. "From the baby store." She told me this in a matter-of-fact voice, as if it should have been obvious. "Then what would we do with the baby we already have?" She held up two fingers. "I'd have two babies?? That's a lot." "No it's not," she told me, totally serious. "Two is not very many." "It is when it comes to infants." I don't think I quite convinced Adylinne.

An update on my pregnancy

Well. I am officially past the morning sickness stage. It's really nice. I haven't been sick for a long time. This week I got back to eating healthier (we got rid of our bagels and pizza rolls) and actually making food again (much to Ben's relief).

I have been having some struggle with heartburn, but I've found a really good way to prevent it. I've heard and read a lot about lemon juice helping heartburn, but it's a lot easier to prevent than to cure. I have started trying to drink a glass of lemon water every morning and now the only time I have gotten heartburn has been on days when I didn't drink lemon in the morning.

I also have been struggling with headaches and migraines. I am not really sure what to do about that yet. I got a 74 ounce water bottle from Wal Mart (Melissa, Ben's sister, has one and I'm just following her example) and have been trying to drink one of those every day. It's helped some, but I still get a migraine about once a week.

Other than that, I'm just really excited to be able to get up and do things again. I have gotten really tired and bored of sitting around trying to entertain myself. It's nice to feel busy again. The one thing that really frustrates me is how easily I get tired out. I feel worn out just from making dinner or taking a trip to Wal Mart. The worst is dance. I have to take it a little easy at dance because I'm not supposed to let my temperature raise too high and I get worn out easily. If I do too much at dance, I feel it for the next day or two. That was a lesson I had to learn.

Last week, we heard our baby's heart beat. That was really fun. Now Ben always puts his ear down there to try to hear (but of course he can't without the special tool, he's just so silly).

The rest of life is going well. I have finals this next week and then the semester is over. I'm excited to be starting new classes, especially now that I'm not feeling sick; it will be a lot easier to go to campus for class.

Letters to Ash

I am so excited for my current project--Letters to Ash.

It started off as an idea for a sort of mommy blog. I really love blogging and am so excited to be a mom; I would love to start my own mommy blog, but I want it to have my own personal twist to it; I don't want it to be just another blog in the masses. Ben and I were brainstorming ways that I could do that and came up with Letters to Ash.

We want to name our first daughter Ashton (we want to spell it differently, but we haven't come up with the perfect spelling yet) and nickname her Ash. I heard this name for a girl when I was in high school and fell in love with it. Luckily, Ben loves girl names that can also be boy names and really likes the idea.

We thought for my blog, I could write my thoughts to my future daughter. That would set it apart and make it more my style, as well as make it more personal. I loved the idea and set up the blog, writing post after post without publishing them. I wanted my blog to look great before I let it go public. We had all these ideas for pictures and I loved writing the posts.

One day, while writing more posts, I had the idea that it might be a good book idea. The more I thought about it, the more I excited about the idea I got. But, I thought, I would need to come up with a different name for the book because of my blog.

A few weeks later, Ben and I were out somewhere, talking about projects while we walked. I told him my idea for making it a book and he lit up. He agreed that it was a good book idea and that Letters to Ash was the perfect name for it. With Ben's enthusiasm backing my own, I decided to forgo the blog idea and turn this into a book.

I haven't worked on it a ton the past few weeks, but this last weekend, I was able to put a lot more work into it and it has got me excited all over again.

The book starts the day I found out I was pregnant. It has been kind of my pregnancy journal, in a way, with me putting my thoughts down in the form of a letter. This is nice because I'll always have these things recorded and it makes it easier for me to write from my own personal experience. At some point in the book (I haven't got there yet) I'm going to have to stop this because I want the ending to have a climatic ending (such as the main character losing her baby somehow probably) but I haven't figured that all out yet.

This is such a fun project for me, especially with me being so excited about babies right now.

My life now revolves around pregnancy.

So I basically haven't done a post in, oh, forever. Sorry about that. The reason is mostly that my life since my last post has revolved around my being pregnant and since we hadn't gone public with that little tidbit until this past week, I didn't really feel like I had very much to write. The other reason is that I've been feeling morning sickness HARD and haven't felt like doing anything at all.

But today I woke up and for the first time in almost three months I felt ... not sick at all. Energized. Like I wanted to get up and do STUFF. It was a great feeling.

And so here I am, writing a blog post. It feels great.

I don't have a ton to tell. Besides the whole finding out I was pregnant thing, not tons has happened to me.

I am almost finished with the semester. Thank goodness. It's been really hard to go to class when I was feeling sick. Which was every day. But somehow, thankfully, I am pulling pretty good grades this semester.

I am so excited to be pregnant, but it honestly has been really hard so far. I have felt sick for so long that I am just tired of feeling like that.

I am hungry all the time, but it's hard to find food that doesn't make me feel sick. I will find a food that I really like and I'll like it for three to seven days and then one day, when I go to eat it, it is so gross to me. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about food or see something that looks SO good. Then I try to eat it and I can't finish it.

My last appointment that I went into, I wasn't getting enough calories. That's what Ben and I have focused on since then--getting food into me. Health and price (as much as Ben and I can afford) have gone out the window. As long as I can eat it, we go with it. I get a little embarrassed with my diet. Right now, I love turkey sandwiches with provolone cheese, captain crunch cereal, gogurts, fresh broccoli, and apples. Every week it feels like I have an entirely new diet. Since I've been pregnant, I've also been craving Twinkies, but Ben won't ever let me get one.

I've also had some problem with heartburn (which could be due to the amount of processed food/sugar I eat some days) and sometimes cramps that feel suspiciously like period cramps (which, by the way, I feel is entirely unfair).

Today has gotten me hoping that I am on my way out of this phase of pregnancy. That would be so nice. I was worried, the longer I was sick, that I would feel that way my entire pregnancy. I did not want to struggle to finish school while throwing up every day. It would make sense that now is when I stop feeling sick because I am coming out of my third trimester. I've read that by fourteen weeks, most women no longer feel sick at all.

I am very, very excited to be a mother though, even if I do end up being sick my entire pregnancy. I have already started collecting baby clothes, both in real life on and on Pinterest. Here are some of my favorites.

Thanks for listening to my rants. It's nice to finally be able to complain a little to people besides Benjamin. I do hope you know, despite how hard it's been for me, that I love being pregnant and I cannot wait until our little baby gets here. 

My Latest Inner Conflict

I've been toying around lately with the idea of starting a more serious blog. I love blogging--writing blogs, reading blogs, just the idea of blogs--and I really enjoy having this blog (even if I've been less than faithful to it lately). But this blog is more like my journal.

This supposed blog would lean more towards serious topics, avoiding my life updates and random thoughts. I would want to research and discuss my views on both some of the more debated topics in the news and some of the "hot topics" we discuss in my classes.

I had pretty much decided I was going to do this, but today while I was on Facebook, I came across an article someone shared. The topic was a controversial one and the comments were ... well, they started off friendly but the discussion got heated. The thing that bothered me the most about it though, was how riled up I got just reading through the comments.

I want to do this blog. I think it would be really interesting for me to learn about all the different topics more in depth and it would help force me to keep up to date on the issues that are in our world. I know it would be good practice for my writing and it would help me build a good portfolio to show off my work. It would be a great growing opportunity for me.

However, I guess my brief Facebook experience today rattled me. I don't want to start arguments on my blog and I don't want to hurt feelings. I know it's silly and that you can't please everyone. I have lots of opinions on controversial topics, but I normally stay quiet about them online--especially on Facebook. My new blog wouldn't be all controversy, but I would want to discuss some topics that easily bring out disagreements and heated discussions.

I guess we'll see what happens. Even if I did decide to start this new blog, I'd have to come up with a name for it first.

And that could take ages.