I know I already posted this song, but right now, it's hitting a cord with me. It's got me thinking a lot about how much the Lord has blessed me with hardships. Here's a few mountains that popped up in my life; I wished with all my heart to make them disappear at the time. Now, looking back, I thank my Heavenly Father with tears of gratitude in my eyes for allowing them to be there, because now I can see the blessings.
1. My dance teacher Mindie.
When I was growing up, I stayed with the same dance teacher. Pretty much always. When I switched over to Irish, I got her sister as my teacher and I loved her. She continued to be my dance teacher until I was in eighth grade. We took the summer off after Celtic Celebration and came back to find that Leia wasn't our teacher anymore. At first, we didn't believe it; I remember walking out for a drink break with one of my friends and being so upset.
That next year at dance was hard; it was still fun, but I found myself having to work harder than I ever have in my life. It was so hard, at first that I thought about quitting. A transition like that is always hard for me and as a class, we didn't like Mindie because we weren't used to her and her methods. She was very strict on a lot of things and a little intimidating. Luckily, my mom knew better than I did and my dancing continued.
When Celtic Celebration rolled around, our entire class was blown away by how much better we'd gotten during the year. We all individually looked much better, but more than that, we were so much more together as a class. And of course we knew it was all thanks to Mindie.
Mindie continued as our teacher for many years after that. As time went on, I truly grew to love her. When she stopped teaching, I was so upset; I cried. It's funny to think that when she first started teaching us, I was upset that she was our teacher, but then when she left, I was even more upset.
She pushed me so hard to become better and taught me more than I probably even realize. I am the kind of dancer and teacher I am today because of her and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. Good thing the Lord knew what I needed at the time, more than I did.
2. Not having a father growing up. Of course there were hard times and things that came from this. I don't really remember the things that happened when I was younger at all, which is a big blessing. There are some little things that I have to deal with, but for the most part, I'm not too effected individually. The hardest part of it most of the time is watching how hard it is for my mom. I hate that she has to be on her own right now and that she has to stress over things that she shouldn't have to be stressed over. If I had one wish right now, I'd use it to make everything perfect in her life right now. It's hard sometimes for me to look at my mom and forgive my father for leaving her to deal with things on her own. She's such an amazing woman; she took practically nothing and created an amazing life for me and my brothers. I look around our house everyday that I'm there and it reminds me how grateful for and in awe of my mom I need to be. It makes me so upset, especially when my mom shows how hard a time she's having, that a guy could treat her that way.
Despite how hard it is, though, I look at the blessings in our family and see how much the Lord loves me. We are close in ways that we might never have been if things had just been fine in our family. My mom has had to lean on us and we have had to lean on her for so many things that have brought us together. It's the same thing with our immediate family, especially my grandparents. Because we've had to rely on them for things that otherwise would have been taken care of, I will never have a moment in my life when I don't feel grateful or loved.
There are a lot of things that I won't ever take for granted, either, because of the situation. I love blessings from my grandpa so very much. I would never even consider marrying someone who couldn't bring the priesthood to our home. I know what an effect that can have on the home and am so proud of both my brothers for being worthy of holding the priesthood themselves.
I love my family so much. I know some of the reason we're all so close as a family is because of the hard times we've gone through together and because of that, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. How lucky am I, that I get to be with my family for eternity?
3. My car wreck. Things are still coming up from this that frustrate me, all these months later. I just keep reminding myself of the blessing my grandpa gave me after the actual wreck. He promised that even though this was a hard trial for me, I would see blessings later on from it. I already have. I got to spend time in the car with my mom right before coming to college; she even came with me when I went to talk to a youth group, something that I was really nervous for. If I'd had my car, I probably would have just driven myself over. However, my mom had to and I was so glad she was there. I got to walk home from work with my brother, which turned out to be so much better for us than just driving home together. I will never forget those memories with him.
The biggest thing, though, is that I was able to learn how much the Lord looks out for us. I've seen so many miracles and so many people have helped us since the accident and that in and of itself is a wondrous blessing to me. I know that I'm taken care of, no matter what happens.
4. My grandma Pat passing away. This was a really tough thing for my entire family. I was just young when she passed away and don't remember her too well. But I do remember her and am so grateful for that.
I miss my grandma, but I'm so grateful also for my grandma Sue. She does so much to help our family. She always knows what to say and how to help each of us. She understands what we're all going through and is such an example with her testimony to me. I want to be just like her when I grow up. Even though I miss my grandma Pat more than I could say, I love my grandma Sue just as much.
And I know that even though my grandma Pat has passed on, she's here, watching over me. Maybe that sounds cheesy to say, but I know with all my heart that it's true. It makes me cry thinking how much I love her and I can't wait to see her again.
5. Not getting into BYU. The other things I've mentioned seem bigger, but for some reason, this was one of the harder things for me in my life. Probably because it's the most recent. I really wanted to go to BYU, to be on their folk dancing team. I've never wanted anything more in my life. When I found out I didn't make it in, I was crushed. I didn't mope about it or anything, but it was tough. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to achieve my biggest dream. Of course I planned on transferring, but it wasn't easy knowing my goal was that much farther away.
Coming to UVU, though, has been such a good thing for me. I like my roommates, I'm glad my class sizes are small, and I like that UVU is less expensive than BYU. I get to go home a lot more often than I would if I were at BYU, I'm closer to home, and I get to keep dancing with my dance group. That is the best thing in the world to me. I love my dance class so much; sometimes, they're the only thing that gets me through the week. I also love teaching dance, so much. It's an opportunity I would have sat out on if I was on BYU's folk dancing team; just the thought of that makes me sad.
Not making it this year has also given me great motivation to study and do well in school. If I was at BYU this year, I'm not sure how diligent with my studies I'd be. Now, however, I've been able to establish the pattern of studying hard and I think it'll do me a lot of good throughout college.
I will make it to the folk dance team eventually. I'm hoping next year. But now, when I do make it, I'll value it that much more. And I'll know it's where I'm supposed to be, because the Lord wouldn't lead me somewhere else. That much I've learned.
Also, here's another of my favorite of my songs.
It goes well with this post as well. I love the words so much.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do."
