BYU

I remember in high school going to a folk dance performance with my friend from dance, Katelyn. This was before we had found out whether we'd been accepted into BYU or not. We watched it with delight, saying after every dance, "We could do that!" "Did you see how they were moving their feet, we could definitely do that!" We were so excited. 

I went home that night buzzing. I couldn't sleep. I wrote in my journal, in regards to my desire to be on the BYU folk dance team, "I have never wanted anything so badly in my life." 

A few months later, I found out I hadn't made it into BYU. I was crushed for half a moment before my best friend, who was sitting by my side when I opened the rejection email, took my mind off it. Later, when talking with my mom and aunt, I decided that I would attend BYU. I was determined. 

I worked hard my first year at college and got really good grades. After a number of plan changes, I applied again to BYU. I will never forget the feeling I got when I opened the email and read that I had been accepted. 

I started school at BYU in May. I loved BYU, but I hated both my classes. Hated them. I never wanted to go to school. When I started again this fall, I was really excited. I had changed my major and loved every class I was in (except maybe my math class ...) I loved coming to school and doing my homework and studying everything I needed to study. I still enjoy my classes, though I am more than ready for a new semester. 

I tried out for the folk dance team and didn't make it. I thought i would be crushed, but I wasn't. I was a little upset, but I got over it very quickly. I might try out again this next semester, I haven't decided yet. My grandma Pat, who died when I was four, was very close with me. She left behind a written history of her life before she died. I remember reading in it while in high school that she had gone to BYU and tried out for the folk dance team. Like me, she didn't make it. I wanted to make the team for her. 

In her history, my grandma wrote that she would have tried out for the team again, except she met Arno (my grandfather) and her priorities changed. When I read that, I didn't understand it entirely. I do now. I feel that my priorities have changed as well, though in different ways than hers. 

This month, I also applied for a job on BYU campus as a Writing Fellow. I was very excited about it and very much wanted the job. I found out this week I didn't get it. I can also apply next semester again. I probably will. This let down was stronger for me than the folk dance team. 

I have felt a little discouraged since I found out that I didn't get the job. I feel that at BYU I am surrounded by the "best and brightest." It's hard because if I was at UVU still, I would be able to have a full ride scholarship, be on their newspaper, try out and probably make a dance team, get a job on campus, and walk to school every day, not to mention Ben and I would be able to take classes together and what not. It doesn't always feel worth it to be at BYU. 

But then I walk around campus and I know I'm in the right place. I love BYU. I am so excited that I will be able to graduate from BYU, and it's something I want--more than any of that extra stuff that comes with college. 

 

Just an Update

Remember how I said I loved my job? Well, I changed my mind. And I quit. I'm now trying to get a job on BYU campus. I'm really excited to be done with Response. I'm applying this week to be a Writing Fellow, which is pretty much a peer paper reviewer.

I'm loving school. As of right now, I should finish school (besides my capstone) a year from the end of next fall semester, so in about a year. I'm thinking of adding an editing minor though, but I haven't looked too seriously at that.

Ben and I are planning on going to China in about a year, to teach English. We're really excited for it.

Ben and I are working on a project. Well, Ben is working on a project and I'm helping as much as I can. Which isn't very much. But it's really exciting. It's a video game, we're going to do a Kickstarter for it. Ben and I both really enjoy talking about marketing and entrepreneurship together. It's a common interest and we have a lot of fun with it together.

Probably the closest Ben and I will ever get to having a "fight" ...

Today, I wanted to share a somewhat personal story about my husband and I. I hope nobody minds. It made me really appreciate my husband and all that he does to make our marriage work.

We were at church, walking from sacrament meeting to Sunday school. We were discussing our plans for next weekend. Because we haven't visited Ben's family for a long time and because it's General Conference weekend, we were planning tentatively on going to Vernal Saturday afternoon.

I started thinking about our plan in more definite terms and started worrying about a few logistics/snags in our plans. Mostly I realized that I wouldn't be able to spend the night of the priesthood conference with my mom. That has been a tradition in past years and I love that times spent with my mom.

I brought this up to Ben, but I don't think he understood why I was saying it. I think he really misses his family and he said something along the lines of, "Well, you will get to see her tonight and you spent yesterday with her."

Needless to say, that wasn't what I wanted him to say. I am an emotional person and was a little hurt by it. I simply answered with something like, "Yeah, I know," and walked into the classroom really quickly. Once inside, we both let the subject drop.

I knew that Ben didn't mean to upset me when he said it. He was simply expressing what we both knew, which was that we hadn't seen his family in a while and this weekend would be a good time to go. He didn't know about my mom and my tradition of spending one on one girl time together every six months and he didn't understand how much I have been missing my mom recently.

Ben is such a good husband though. Even though he might not have understood why I was so emotional about it and even though it wasn't even really his fault, he knew that what he had said had hurt me. When we sat down for our combined meeting after Sunday school, he kissed my cheek and whispered to me, "Charly, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I shouldn't have said it."

It made me feel so wonderful that he cared about me enough to do that. I know that he didn't need to apologize. By doing so, however, he showed me not only how much he loved me, but also how much he cared about what was important to me. We were able to talk about it later when my emotions on the subject weren't as close to the surface and everything turned out fine.

Ben and I have only been married five months. So far, it's been wonderful. I know that the high quality of our marriage is in big part due to the way Benjamin treats me. I am so blessed to have such a thoughtful, loving, Christlike husband.

A little more about my new job ...

I got a job working for Response Marketing. And, to my surprise, I love it.

Response Marketing is an outbound call company. We have different teams who call for various things (for example, one group calls people who have shown interest in wanting to start or go back to school and gets their information sent out to different colleges). I call people and offer them free tickets to different real estate seminars in their area.

It's a little hard sometimes, just because people don't like telemarketers. Most of the time, everyone is really nice about it, even if they aren't interested. Every once in a while, you get a person who's mad at you for calling or who is upset that we have their information.

It's fun talking to the different people, though. It's surprising to me at times what people will tell a complete stranger over the phone--just personal things like that they're getting a surgery or going through a divorce. I had one old grandpa explain all about how real estate works. People will tell me all about how gold is the new investment to be making or that today happens to be their nephew's eighth birthday. Even when I don't make the sale, I usually enjoy the phone calls.

It's fun to try to make sells. A "sale" is when a person lets us send them tickets, or information, about the event. It's free, so I don't feel bad trying to push them onto someone. It's really fun when a person who doesn't want the tickets or is out of town the day of the event or something and I can talk them into letting me send them the information anyways. Those are nice sales because I feel like I earn them.

The best part of the job, though, is the time between calls. We actually have a lot of times between calls, especially when we get a lot of answering machines. We are allowed to do whatever we want during that time, as long as we're not on our cell phones. So far, I've read. It's so nice, but it will be even nicer when school starts and I have homework to be doing.

My job is so flexible with hours. You can go in basically whenever, as long as you get your hours in. That is so nice for my schedule. Between work and dance and everything else I'm doing, any kind of job where I have a set schedule everyday is pretty much impossible.

The pay is good, too. It's only eight dollars an hour, base, but commission is so nice. If you hit the minimum amount of sales required, you get fifty cents an hour commission. This week, I made three dollars an hour commission, so eleven dollars an hour. Then every six weeks, they give you a twenty five cents raise. I think it's because they don't have very good retention, simply because it's a college city and also because it can be a really boring job. I'm lucky I love reading so much, and that I can read with all the noise going on. If I couldn't, I would DIE of boredom.

As it is, though, I found the perfect job for me right now. I'll probably stay with them until Ben and I are done with school.

The Twenty Date Challenge

If you know me at all, you probably know how strongly I feel about dating, especially dating just for fun. I wrote my date ideas book (365 Date Ideas A Date a Day) because of it. I started my Facebook page for the book (https://www.facebook.com/ADateADay365DateIdeas). Now I've started a Facebook group to get more people dating more often.

Right here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/157506554446549/). It's called the Twenty Date Challenge and I'm so excited for it.

Check out my group and if you haven't joined yet, be sure to.

Benjamin's turning me into an entrepreneur.

I have neglected this blog recently, but I wanted to share some of the exciting things that have been happening in my life.

First, Ben and I have been doing a lot to better promote my book. And, I think it's actually working! I've been more active with my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ADateADay365DateIdeas), inviting more people to like it, sharing it with various groups on Facebook, and sharing new date ideas that aren't in my book every week. It's really fun for me to watch as my page gets more likes. A couple weeks ago, I got my second check from them--this time for $110! That's the most I've gotten for it so far, and it came right after Ben and I put in the effort to advertise my book more. I am getting so excited about getting my book out there. It's fun for Ben and I to work on the advertising aspect of it together.

I've also been working on writing more. I have my foot in the door at Deseret Book, since they've already published some of my work and also because I have the email of a lady in charge of choosing what to publish. Ben and I figure that making sure my book does well won't hurt my chances of getting more work published. Right now, I'm writing about my hundred dates in a novel form, putting together a date ideas book for married couples, and trying to work on a date advice book for teens. I'm making the most progress on my hundred dates novel--I'm trying for 2500 words a day; some days, though, I have to admit I fall asleep before reaching my goal. I'm getting far in it, though. All of these books are ideas that I've had (and wanted to write) for a long time. I'm so excited to finally be making progress on them.

Benjamin is also building me a website. Right now, it's focused on the one book I already have published, but as soon as I get more, I'll be able to put it up there. It's charlytroff.com. We have the "rough draft," if you will, up already. We'll be adding more content and making it better, but I think it looks wonderful so far. Ben is really good at that kind of thing, and the ideas he has for the website will make it even better.

I'm also really excited about the blog Benjamin and I started together. It's http://lovegogglesbc.blogspot.com/. We decided to name it love goggles as a kind of reference to looking through love glasses. Of all our brainstormed ideas, that name just struck a chord with us; it seemed especially like a blog name. If you haven't started following us yet and enjoy our blog, then ... you should. We try to come up with either a funny story from the previous week or an original idea. It's so fun to write it, but the funnest part for me is checking our stats of views.

I also got a job. It's with Response Marketing. They're an outbound call company. I didn't think I would like it and I was actually planning on keeping it only until I could get a different job, but I actually really like it. I enjoy talking to people on the phone, even when they aren't interested. The only time I don't like it is when they're rude and that rarely, rarely happens. There is quite a bit of time between calls and I get read then. When school starts, I'll be able to do homework during that time. They also are going to be really good at working around my schedule; that is the biggest relief to me. I have been very worried this past month about finding a job that would work with my schedule. This job is the perfect job for me during school.

Now that I've written a novel, I think that's about it. I feel really excited about all the different projects I'm working on, and being able to work on and talk about them with Ben makes them all the better. We have so much fun planning and working on these things.

Missing my other half. Literally.

A year and a half ago (about a week after Jeremy left on his mission), I went to the New Year's Eve dance with some of my friends. It made me miss Jeremy so much. I actually didn't even want to go at first, because I knew Jeremy wouldn't be there, but some of my friends talked me into it. 

And, just like I knew would happen, it broke my heart without Jeremy there. 

My poor friends, I'm sure the only thing I talked about for the entire dance was "Jeremy and I used to do this at dances ..." and "I wish Jeremy was here ..." and "this reminds me of Jeremy ..." But they put up with it. I have good friends. But really. 

One of my friends, Ben Jensen noticed how much I was missing Jeremy. Obviously. He told me not to worry too much, that the longer Jeremy was out, the less I would miss him. He was right, and wrong. 

He was right, because missing Jeremy doesn't consume me anymore. That's not the only thing I talk about anymore. In fact, Jeremy is hardly even a part of my life nowadays (side note: nowadays is my new favorite word). I don't think about Jeremy with everything I do. I can go to family parties and plan dates and go to parties without every single thing reminding me that my other half is missing. 

He was wrong, though, because I do still miss Jeremy, just as much as the first day he left. I don't think about it as much, but the missing is just as strong. And sometimes, it just hits me. 

Like today. 

I was going through pictures today on Facebook. I got to this picture, but it took a long time. There were way too many pictures and too many events between now and then. 

This picture was the last picture that Jeremy and I took together before he left. It was Tuesday night, the eve of his departure to the MTC and the absolute last time I was to get to see him before that. I knew it was the last picture; see my red eyes, the tears that were almost in them? Yep. I knew it. 

After Jeremy left, I missed him so much. Too much. I knew I needed to stay busy, to do fun and good things to take my mind off it. So, I went to a Christmas party with my dance class. I had Christmas with my family. On my birthday, I went shopping with mom and Jon and then had friends coming and going all night, playing Just Dance, visiting Yogurtland, and playing card games. I read the Mistborn series and then went back to school. I started dating Ben and hung out with so many people. I planned date after date.  Then I moved home and hung out with more people. I tried to visit all the temples in Utah with Jon and DJ (and got close). I danced and danced and danced, and started teaching dance. I broke up with Ben. I put in my mission papers and was preparing for that. I got married and started attending BYU. I made new friends and got comfortable with the idea of being a college student. I went to so many dances and young single adult activities and institute classes. I fell in love. And all of that, all of it, happened without Jeremy. 

And that, that is the worst part of Jeremy being gone. And that is why he needs to come home. 

Because, it doesn't matter how long it's been or how busy I stay. When you're missing your other half, 5,000 miles and nineteen months and a fair share of life changing events don't matter. 

It will still break your heart everyday. 

Love Goggles.

Is it weird to blog about another blog? Well, I am.

Ben and I have started a blog together. So cute, right? And it was idea.

Our blog is called Love Goggles, you can check it out here:
http://lovegogglesbc.blogspot.com/

We're each going to do a new post every Sunday morning. Sometimes our posts will be different, but they'll be themed similarly. For example, if we tell a story, we might not be telling the same story, but we'd both be telling one. This week, we decided to do our "how we met and got married" story in twenty lines.

I'm excited about this blog. I think it's adorable and with Benjamin writing half the posts, it'll be hilarious too. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have been!

Just an update on my life.

I finished my first semester at BYU. I got a B- in my mythology class, so at least I didn't fail it. I was actually pretty happy about it, considering how much work I put in. Oops.

Ben has me eating things that I just didn't eat before. Like bacon. And jerky.

We got a bread machine and a Blendtec. We are doing a lot better with eating healthy. We eat wheat pancakes (no sugar), German pancakes (wheat flour, no sugar) with real maple syrup (no sugar), eggs, or a green smoothie for breakfast. Ben's big on breakfast. Especially eggs, for the protein. I made my first loaf of bread with our bread machine two days ago. It was so good (also wheat flour, no sugar). It's already gone. Now that we're starting to get settled, we're doing a lot better at eating better than we were when we were first married.

I applied to Wells Fargo, as a teller. Ben's working on getting me an interview, and then hopefully I can start working. Right now, without school or work, I'm basically doing nothing. Now with dance done, that's literally true. I'm going to go insane soon.

Also, I changed my major from Psychology to Family and Consumer Science Education. This is why. A bachelor's degree in Psych is basically useless unless you use it as a stepping stone to more education. Ben and I both want to have kids now. SO badly. But, we're waiting, because now is not the right time. We want to finish school first (especially me) and I want to be on BYU's folk dance team, not to mention dance. Also, we want to be able to save up a 20% down payment on our home (which we want to buy when Ben finishes school) and kids are so expensive. With school and me not working (which if we had a child right now, that's what would happen) on top of that expense, there's no way we would be able to do that. So. Here's our plan.

We'll both work part time, go to school full time and finish as fast as we can. We'll save as much as we can and when we're finished, we'll buy a house. Then, we'll have kids :) and all the rest of the stuff that happens with a family will follow.

Here's the other thing about my major. The classes that I need to take for the major are so me. Things like meal planning in the home, or nutrition. There are some classes (like organic chemistry or sewing) that I'm not really looking forward to, but that's how it is with every major. I am so excited about this major. So excited.

Well. That's it. Ben and I are still in love and happy, of course. We love our apartment and are figuring things our for the future. In the meantime, we love where we are.

Ben wins the best husband award.

I don't have to ask him to do things, like unload the car. He just helps.

He believes in me.

He still will send me texts and write me notes, even though we're married now. And I still like them just as much as I did when we were dating. Maybe even more.

He makes me eggs in the morning.

He always opens my door for me. I think he's missed once, and he was mad that he did.

He takes me on dates.

He buys me books.

He makes me laugh even when I'm not in the mood to laugh.

He supports me in dancing, and loves that I love it.

He is the most patient person in the world.

He wants a baby just as badly as I do. (don't worry, we're waiting, the time is not right). It's just nice to know though.

If he knew something was really important to me, he'd say yes or make sure it happened.

He likes my cooking.

He works hard.

If he thinks he's done something wrong, he always apologizes.

He wakes me up for prayers and scripture study if I fall asleep before him.

He dances with me.

He's quiet when I'm studying or choreographing (believe me, that's a tough one for him).

He prays for me and with me.

He puts his arm around me in church.

He always lets me know how much I mean to him.

He shares his ideas and goals and problems with me, and lets me do the same.

He helps keep the house clean. And does the dishes.

He teaches me things.

He shares books with me.

When I need to cry, he just lets me cry (sometimes, it just happens).

He doesn't ruin surprises.

He teases me.

He loves me. And I'm the luckiest girl in the world for it.

Today was an eat-everything-in-the-fridge-before-it-goes-bad for dinner day.

Poor Ben.

Here are my problems with cooking:

1. I know the general of idea of everything. My mom always cooks. I know the gist of what you do to make things and I know how the food is supposed to turn out. Somehow, though, in the middle, all the details get mixed up.

2. Seasonings. I just have no idea?

3. I'm scared of not cooking the meat enough. So I always end up overcooking it. Even when I know that I overcook it.

4. I don't pay enough attention to what I'm doing.

5. Keeping track of what needs to be eaten first. Oops.

6. Sometimes, when I mess up, I try to fix it. Only, it makes it worse. And then we have to throw it away.

7. I actually don't know what I'm doing, so every meal turns into an experiment.

8. Cooking.

Maybe Ben and I will just live off of potatoes and brownies for the rest of our lives.
At least I know how to cook those.

Things my mother has taught me about loving others

1. Never give up on anyone.

The example most prominent on my mind with this one is one of our neighbors, Shauna. My family is very close with Shauna and her husband Tracy. Tracy came back to the church about five years ago; Shauna gave her consent, but warned that she wanted nothing to do with the church and that he wasn't allowed to bring any Mormons to their house. Well, our families began to be very close, and over the last five years, we've had get together's at both our house and theirs, Shauna has come to church several times (like when one of us was giving a talk or for Christmas), and she attended General Conference in the Conference Center with Tracy in April. Even though it's been a long time, and we all hope that Shauna will get baptized (the happiest thing for me would be to see Tracy and Shauna sealed together; they love each other so much and it would be so wonderful!), my mom hasn't given up on her. She's always just been friends with the Smith's, loving both Tracy and Shauna.

2. Go out of your way to do something small. It might mean something big to them.

I can think of so many examples how my mother did this for me. One was from a very long time ago, when I was in elementary school. I'd gotten some kind of an award and they were having an assembly to present them. All the parents were invited, but my mom wasn't going to be able to come because she had to work. I was really sad about it, but I didn't tell her because I didn't want her to feel bad about missing it. The day of the assembly, though, I stood up to get my award, looked at the back of the room, and there was my mom with the camera. She had figured out a sub for work so that she could be there for me. It wasn't a huge thing for my mom to work it out, but it was the biggest thing for me right then, in my own little world.

Another example was from right after Ben and I broke up last summer. My mom knew we had broken up and she knew it was really hard for me. She couldn't be there that day, though. I went to church like normal and saw all my friends. When I got home, though, Jon left to a meeting and I was alone. I was having a tough time. When I walked into my room, I found a flower, freshly cut from our yard, and a card my mom. Even though she had to be elsewhere that day, she still found a way to be there for me. It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to me. She is always doing little things like that, at just the right moments. All those little things have made a huge difference for me. I hope to always take the time, thought, and effort to do the small things for others. You never know how much they will mean to the person you're doing them for.

3. If someone wants to love you, let them.

4. Always be sharing the gospel.

My mom always is. It's through quiet acts, that I don't think most people can see. Things like visiting teaching. She's been my neighbor's visiting teacher for I don't know how many years. My neighbor is not LDS, though both her children are baptized and occasionally come to church with us. But all the time, my mom is doing things for her--taking her cookies, bringing her Christmas gifts from Relief Society, inviting her to all the neighborhood parties and primary programs. Even though she doesn't come to church and hasn't been baptized, my mom has shared the gospel in a profound way with their family and helped us as her children do the same. And I think all of our lives have been better for it.

5. Serve.

My mom is ... a mom. So of course, she serves, all the time. Diapers changed, laundry, cooking, reading to us, helping with homework, driving us a million places etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. She would drive me to dance every week, plus performances, plus costumes, plus tuition, plus helping me practice at home, plus a million other things. When we were sick, she would make us toast and then cut it into strips for us; I always loved that. As a single mom, she woke up every single day, got us ready for school, got herself ready, went to work, came home, cooked us dinner, and did all the other things that moms do (which is a lot, by the way).

6. Even if they don't know you're serving.

The biggest example that comes to mind is from when we were living in our old neighborhood in South Jordan. Our neighbors across the street from us, the Perry's, got toilet papered. They were out of town, so my mom took my two brothers and me to their yard to clean it up. I was young enough that I didn't really understand what was happening or why we were cleaning it up. My mom, as we were walking back to the house, told us to not go around telling everyone what we'd just done (I don't know that I'm following her instructions by putting the story on my blog. Oh well.). She just wanted the Perry's to come home to a clean yard, not having to worry about the mess someone else had deliberately left for them. Even though at the time, I didn't really understand what was going on, it left me with a deeply embedded lesson of secret service, one that I won't ever forget.

Always hate stupid mythology classes.

Can I make a confession?

I'm not a good student.

I like to pretend I am sometimes. I even have segments of time when I try to be. There are quite a few people who seem to think I am, probably due to me liking to pretend that I am. But honestly? I'm not.

Don't get me wrong. I like school. I actually like it a lot, sometimes. There are classes that I can't get enough of. There are classes that I don't even have to study for and I get 110% in class, simply because I'm interested in the subject. My ballroom class last year, I never missed a single day. My developmental psychology class, I absolutely loved it. Tap? I wished the class was longer.

I don't mind homework. When a teacher assigns a chapter to read from the textbook, I'll read it. I'm usually good at going to class, depending on the class. There are some classes you can  get away with not going to, especially when you do the actual reading.

I just...
I hate studying for tests.
I hate writing research papers.
I hate any writing, actually, that I don't feel like doing.
I hate reading things (like articles) and coming out the other end not knowing what it was even about.
I hate when I get behind on reading.
I hate the stress that comes when you have a test or paper in the next week.

Right now, I am mostly frustrated with myself. I signed up for a stupid Greek and Roman Mythology class and I have no idea why. I don't even like mythology! What the heck was I thinking? I was thinking I needed another class to sign up for and that class was open and worked with my schedule and it filled my last general credit that I needed.

Dumb. Really dumb. And now, because I'm not a great student and I'm at BYU now, I don't know how I'm going to get a good grade on the stupid midterm tomorrow.

What in the world am I doing at BYU?

Being married is way better than dating.

Especially when your husband is this guy. 

Happy Easter!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICcjgBrG-oM

No need to say goodbye ...

I do this thing when I'm driving at night by myself, where I find songs that are ... more melancholy. Not depressing, just a little bit sad. Slower. The kind that make you sigh. It's one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. 

On Monday night, I was driving home in the dark, by myself. Just like I've done every Monday for the past three years (the years before that, we had dance at various times and days, and also my mom drove me). As I was driving, though, I couldn't help but think about all the years of driving home from dance I've had. Especially driving home's like the one I was experiencing right at that particular moment. 

 I remember driving home always feeling simply on top of the world. The thing about my dance class is we don't only go to dance and dance, we go to dance and laugh so hard we can't breathe. We work hard together, but we also laugh hard together. You know that great feeling you get after you work out? And you know the most wonderful feeling in the world of laughing for two hours straight? That's what dance is, those two feelings combined. 

My senior year of high school, when I was done with school and living at home and everything seniors get tired of (life in general, mostly), dance is where I turned. Literally. I would sit in class (all of which, at that point, were so pointless, just in case anyone was wondering) and write out our dances, or count them out in my head. I would even, sometimes, pull out my iPod and just listen to the songs, dancing the dances in my head. That's what I would do at work, too. Because I did custodial work and it was always the same route, everyday for three years, I didn't have to think much about what I was doing, so I would put the dance music playing on my iPod and go through the dances, one at a time. I pretty much choreographed my section of couples at work. 

Dance was the very best thing about high school for me, followed shortly by my few really good friends and the many dates I went on. But dance was the best. 

Then, when I was a senior, I got into BYU-Idaho and I really wanted to go. I was scared to death of moving away and I was sad to leave everything, but I was stoked. I had roommates, that I was friends with on Facebook already, and classes and housing and everything. And I was stoked. But, thinking about leaving dance made me cry. All the time. Jeremy told me he thought I was too attached. He didn't understand how much a part of me dance had become. 

I would drive home the last couple of months and weeks from dance and cry, every week. I would think, I only have three more weeks of this and then it's over. And it broke my heart, more than I can say. 

Then, for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't want to leave dance and the opportunity to teach dance, I decided I would go to UVU. I remember Katelyn Duncan's last dance performance, up at Payson. It would have been mine too, if I hadn't decided what I'd decided. She cried, of course. It made me cry, watching her cry and knowing that I wouldn't have to leave. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNsQewlFtEs

When I was ten, I was in both ballet and Irish. After a year of that, I had to choose between the two. I chose Irish. I used to always say it was the best decision I'd ever made in my life. Actually, though, UVU was, because these past three years of dancing have been the best of my life. I love my dance class so much. 

Now, I'm going off and doing more stuff in life. I'd be leaving anyways, what with my now-on-hold mission call. That was the only part of putting in my papers that was hard--knowing I'd have to leave dance. With BYU and getting married and hopefully the folk dance team and work, I don't know if I'm going to have time for dance anymore. I definitely want to keep teaching my little girls. I don't know what will happen next year. 

I do know, though, that no matter what, dance will always be a huge part of me. My dance classes and dance teachers have impacted me more than they will ever know. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for all them. Especially my Hot Tamales. 

I might stop dancing soon. And you know what? It breaks my heart just as much now as it did three years ago to think about it. Breaks my heart. 

Dance does that to a person.

Soooo, I'm getting married. And this is why.

Can I tell you a story? 

Me and Jeremy :)

Once, I was seventeen-years-old. And Jeremy, my best friend in the whole world, was turning eighteen. That's because he is older than me by a month; he loves to rub that in. I'm mostly fine with it. When he turned eighteen, he decided to hold a birthday party. And, acting very much like he always did, he told me about this party three days before it was supposed to take place. I already plans, having committed to babysit for a family in my ward. But, I knew that I would have killed Jeremy if he missed my birthday, so I told him I would be there. Late. 

I just didn't realize how late. It seemed to me the forces were against me that night. I'm a Troff, though, and very stubborn. I got to the party so late that almost everyone else had gone home. To my surprise, there was kid there (who hadn't gone home yet) that I didn't know. AND he was really cute. 

This is the kid

So, this cute kid and I shared some discreet looks across the room, and shyly avoided each other until the party was over. We only talked once, while helping Brynndi get her shoes on. But he did push my car out of the snow. I found out his name was Benjamin Anderson and I fell asleep thinking of him. 

Ben had a crush on me after that weekend. He started doing things that kind of weirded me out a little. Ben now claims he thought he was being discreet. Ha. It was just little things, mostly through Facebook, but when a guy likes you and you don't like him, you can always tell. I decided that I didn't want to like him and mostly avoided talking to him when I could. 

After I turned eighteen, near the beginning of January, I was at work when Jeremy called me. He asked what I was doing on Friday, but then wouldn't tell me why he wanted to know. I knew it was because Ben was going to call and ask me out and I was right. I said yes, of course, because I was in the process of dating a hundred guys and he seemed cool enough, as a friend. 

That date was my favorite of my hundred. It was so fun. We made sock puppets, the boys put on a puppet show, we played this hilarious game, and we watched Psych. I just remember laughing my head off and falling for Ben. I fell hard that night. 

We were both shy, and neither of us was certain of the other's feelings. We didn't see each other a ton the next few months, but the more I got to know him, even back then, the more I was certain that Ben was the kind of guy I wanted to marry. 

Things were a little shaky during the summer and right as I was starting college. Ben even dated another girl for a few weeks. I had eyes only for Ben. After he broke up with the other girl, things between us started escalating and almost exactly a year after our first date (a few weeks after Jeremy left on his mission), Ben and I started dating each other exclusively.

We dated for six months. Those were both the best and the hardest six months of my life. It was the best because I was dating Ben and I have never been so happy in my life as when I'm with him. It was the hardest, though, because we were dating long distance and I missed him so much it hurt. 

At the end of June, we broke up. It wasn't because we wanted to, or because things weren't working. The Lord played a huge hand in the matter, because the timing was not right. The Lord needed Ben in Vernal, and He needed me in West Jordan, and that could not happen while we were dating. We also both needed some time to grow up. We didn't know at the time that our break up was just temporary, and so we both were trying to get over each other. That was hard. 

In October, I couldn't handle it. I knew I wasn't over Ben, and I was trying to date other people, but it wasn't working. So I talked to Ben and told him that. He answered that he wasn't sure, but that he wanted to talk again. And so, we did. In December, he let me know that he still loved me as well. By this time, I had my mission call to North Carolina, leaving April 3rd. Ben didn't tell me at the time, but his plan was to wait while I went on a mission and then date and marry me when I got home. 

Then, about three weeks ago, I sent Ben something that I had written. While reading it, he decided that he didn't want to wait. Ben wrote me a letter, telling me that. He said that if I felt I needed to go on a mission still, he was ready to wait a year and half. He just wanted me to have the choice. I prayed and fasted and went to the temple and did all the things that you are supposed to do when faced with a choice like this. And you know what? 

I felt like, if I went on a mission, God would happy. I also felt like, if I stayed here and got married, God would also be happy. When talking with my grandma later about that, she pointed out, that kind of answer makes sense, because both those things accomplish the Lord's purpose. 

And so, we're getting married. If you made it all the way through the story, congratulations. It was more for me than anyone else. There are a lot of details, a lot of promptings from the Spirit, a lot of reasons and meaning behind things, a lot of love and friendship and tears and a million other things that I left out. If I were to tell them all, I might as well write a novel about this. 

But basically, to sum it all up, we're getting married because ... 

He doesn't speed, even on the freeway.
He likes my eyebrows.
Our eyes match.
It doesn't matter what we do, we just like doing things together. And doing nothing.
He loves books.
We laugh until we can't breath.
He thinks that I have a pretty voice.
He eats oatmeal for breakfast.
He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.
We're in love. And have been for a long time. And will be for, well, forever.

I LOVE ...

Not being sick. And actually being able to swallow. It's nice to eat again. (I lost four and a half pounds last week ...)

Having a clean room.

My brother Jon. So freaking much.
And my mom. And Luke. And that they're married.
And Eric and Alison. And that they live so close.

Church.

The Book of Mormon.

Dance. And ALL that that word entails. Seriously. All.

Sleep.

Being in love.

All the people in my life.

Letters. Both writing them and receiving them.

My little girls. And that they love me.

My job.

That I'm going to BYU.

Books. Oh man. Books.

Writing.

My whole family. All of them. Seriously. If you knew my family, you would understand.

All the people in my life. I really am so blessed, but the main reason I am blessed is because of all the wonderful people in my life who I love and who love me back. They are the reason I am happy.

Do you ever have those days that feel like the best days of your life?

I had one of those days yesterday. Let me tell you about it.

It started in the morning. I was planning on waking up at 6:37, for work. I actually woke up at 6:18, which meant I had time to eat breakfast and make my bed and clean my room and read some of The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball (that's the book I am currently reading; I'm only on page twenty, but it's already brilliant). It was a great start to my day.

Work was nice for a number of reasons. I only had a four hour shift, which is unusual, but nice. And I left at eleven, which meant I got to leave before any sort of lunch rush came in. I just went in, did a bunch of production (which I really enjoy) and then left. It was brilliant. Best shift ever.

When I got home, I was able to go running, take a shower, and then I accidentally took like a four hour nap.It was a nice nap, even if it was accidental.

When I woke up, I had the best letter I have ever gotten waiting for me. It was a beautiful letter, it even made me cry (but the good kind of crying). It was actually a dream come true for me.

I then went with Kwinn and Jon to Zac's play. We sat with his family (our cousins) and it was just hilarious. So funny. And Zac did such a good job, it's unbelievable. While I was sitting in Zac's play, I got an email on my phone telling me that a decision had been reached about my BYU application. In order to view the decision, however, I had to go sign in to a different page. I couldn't remember my password, so I had to wait all the way until I got home, which nearly killed me. But I made it.

This is what I found when I finally made it home.


Dear Charly:

Congratulations! You have been admitted to Brigham Young University to begin Spring 2013. Through your preparation and personal achievements, you have distinguished yourself from a very strong group of applicants. We believe you will make a positive contribution to the BYU community. It is a great pleasure to welcome you to our campus to pursue your educational goals. To be eligible to continue to future semesters, you must register for and complete this semester or term.

To secure your admission, it is essential for you to read the Frequently Asked Questions located at the link below and follow the instructions in question no. 1. The FAQ will also provide you with important information regarding scholarships, housing, financial aid, etc.

We encourage you to maintain the standards outlined in the University Honor Code, and we look forward to having you on campus.

Warmest regards,

R. Kirk Strong
Director of Admission Services

I am SO happy. So happy. Oh my word, so happy.

We went to Macey's, after I discovered that I got into BYU. We visited my friend Tayler there. She is so awesome and I love her. This is her last week at Macey's because she got a new job. I'm a little sad, but I think I"ll actually be able to see her more now, which is so great. And she loves her new job; I am so happy for her.

Jon and I have been planning for forever to read the BOM in 24 hours. Apparently it can be done in 22, but I'm not really sure how. We started it at 10:30 last night. By 2:30, we had fallen asleep; after four hours, we were only on page 74. Maybe you have to read it silently? But anyways, it was a fun night with Jon. I'm glad we tried and I know we'll try again sometime. I love my brother more than anyone could possibly know. It was such a great night, with him.

That was it. I feel so blessed, it's ridiculous sometimes.
But ridiculous in a good way.

Content.

Remember how I do that thing, looking back to a year ago to see what I was doing? A lot of times, that ends in either, I am so glad that I am not going through that right now, or a I wish that's what my life was right now.

Today, I'm doing that. I am looking back to where I was in February last year, and the year before, and the year before that. And you know what?

I am indifferent, looking back. I don't wish I was there, I am not glad it's over. I am just so ... content right now. No, actually, more than content. Today is the kind of day to look back and see the Lord in the details of m life. No one else could have orchestrated it so perfectly. I am so glad, though, that I am where I am at, today. I can look back and see both the good and bad times in my life, and I know that the future holds that as well. I still want to continue to grow and become a better person, and I am so excited for everything I am going to do. But today, I am ... content. All the way through my heart and out my fingertips.

Right now, I am facing a choice. I big choice. I hate that usually, but let me tell you, I have never been happier to be facing a decision as I am right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_LOOKssMpA&NR=1&feature=endscreen
This song doesn't fit the mood of my post, exactly, but I really like it. Sad songs are the prettiest.

P.S. I finished my book, story thing. I am so excited!

Just some life thoughts.

I love this song. Like, I can't stop listening to it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BukPc7ip4Ws

I've been reading a lot lately. I really like it. Words are so beautiful. I'm thinking of changing my major ... I might want to be an editor for a publisher. Deseret Book, maybe? Well, I am about half way through Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451, yeah him), it's so good. It is the kind of good that makes you want to laugh and cry and take pictures, all at the same time. My favorite line so far is "Cutting grass and pulling weeds can be a way of life." I thought that was beautiful. I also am in the middle of The Abolition of Man, by C.S. Lewis. If you've never read anything by him, I would highly recommend it. It doesn't matter what, just read him (but especially The Screwtape Letters or The Great Divorce, so good). But anyways, The Abolition of Man, it's really good, but hard. I mostly don't understand what he's talking about, but the stuff I do understand is brilliant and the stuff I don't understand is beautiful. Here's an excerpt. 

For every one pupil who needs to be guarded from a weak excess of sensibility there are three who need to be awakened from the slumber of cold vulgarity. The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles but to irrigate deserts. The right defense against false sentiments is to inculcate just sentiments. By starving the sensibility of our students we only make them easier prey to the propagandist when he comes. For famished nature will be avenged and a hard heart is no infallible protection against a weak heart. 

And another. 

We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful. 

Last one, I promise. It's my favorite part of the book so far, actually. 

I do not mean, of course, that he will make any conscious inference from what he reads to a general philosophical theory that all values are subjective and trivial. The very power of Gaius and Titius depends on the fact that they are dealing with a boy: a boy who thinks he is 'doing' his 'English prep' and has no notion that ethics, theology, and politics are all at stake. It is not a theory they put in his mind, but an assumption, which ten years hence, its origin forgotten and its presence unconscious, will condition him to take one side in a controversy which he has never recognized as a controversy at all. The authors themselves, I suspect, hardly know what they are doing to the boy, and he cannot know what is being done to him.  

So that happened. I am in such a ... reflective, almost hippie mood. I wish life wasn't so ... full of hard choices. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do, so that I could just do it. It still might be hard to do it, but at least then I would know what to do. All this not knowing is scaring me to death and I mostly hate it. 

I just have to share this last thing, even though it doesn't match anything in this post. Sorry, this is a random one. Mostly, I wrote this because I was too lazy to actually write out a journal entry for today. 

So yesterday at dance, we were doing our set dance in hard shoe alone, so we could hear what our sounds were like, etc. As I stood there, watching everyone else dance, I was blown away by how talented all the girls in my class are. It almost brought me to tears, as well, watching them and how good they were at their respective part. In some steps, one girl would be really good at the back clicks, or had such good sounds or was spot on with the music or I could go on and on. The point is, none of us did the step perfectly. We all did well, but none of us were perfect at it. But we all had parts of it that we did better than anyone else in the class. And it just made me wonder if that's how God feels, watching us in life (being a dance teacher has given me a lot of opportunities to wonder that; I'm sure I'll get even more when I'm a mother). None of is perfect at living life, but when one of us messes up or gets off the music or don't turn out our feet, He doesn't think, wow, she's a terrible dancer, why is she even here? Nope. After he tells us, wow you did SUCH a good job of hitting your back clicks. Make sure, though, to fix this part of the dance because you got a little off there. 

I just love how much Heavenly Father loves us, even when we make mistakes and even when we make the same mistakes over and over again. It again makes me think of dance. Being a teacher is so interesting, because I have watched my girls dance so much that I could tell you before they even do their step or leap 23's or whatever exactly what they will do well at during it and what they need to fix. I can tell you that I will have Molly fix her turn out, I will tell Bella to slow down her leaps, and I'll tell Fiona to straighten her front leg. But I can tell you that Molly always kicks her butt, never once misses it; Bella puts all her energy into getting higher leaps, every time; Fiona has the most beautiful, turned out feet on every leap. Just because they aren't perfect at leaps doesn't mean they aren't brilliant dancers and just because they keep making the mistakes, every week, that doesn't mean I don't love them with all my heart. Because I do. And it's so wonderful when I can see improvement, when I can tell they went home practiced that week. There is no better feeling as a teacher than to watch your student struggle with something and then one day, get it. Even if it's not perfect, that doesn't matter. Perfect has nothing to do with it. I love that dance helps me understand how Heavenly Father can love me even when I come to Him everyday and say, look, I messed up again, I am so sorry. But tomorrow, I will be better. And then the next day happens, and I have to say the exact same thing. I know He never gets tired of it, because He loves me and just wants to help me. And I know that when I make progress, even just a little bit, it makes Him happy. 

Isn't life just brilliant sometimes? 

My Little Girls

The first week I taught them, they were so shy, but they had so much fun. They just love dancing. And at the end of class, before she left, Kylie ran over and gave me a hug. It was so cute. That week, I fell in love with dancing all over again.

For Christmas, the same girl (Kylie) got me the cutest thing. It's a necklace that she made. It's a Book of Mormon that even opens up, and inside, she wrote "Good luck on your mission! CTR CTR." I wear it all the time, because I love it so much. You've probably seen it, too; I love showing it off to everyone.

When I got my call, I asked them all where they thought I was going to go. Every single one of them said Ireland. After I opened my call, they asked where it was that I was going. I told them North Carolina and they were all disappointed it wasn't Ireland. It was so funny. They love North Carolina, now, though, because. One girl says it's her favorite state, besides Florida.

One week, we were talking about Celtic Celebration. Megan asked if there would be hot dogs there. I was like, "What? Nope ..." But then, I told them I would send them something from North Carolina, since I wouldn't be able to be there. I told them I'd send candy or something. They protested and told me they wanted me to send them hot dogs, not candy. I told them I couldn't send hot dogs in the mail, that's gross. They wanted them anyways. It was hilarious.

One week, we were practicing our second step. We had just learned it and were going to try it with music. Fiona, one of the oldest and best dancers in the class started acting weird, so I went over to ask if she was okay. I was worried she'd hurt herself or something. When I asked if she was alright, she started crying, and couldn't stop. She told me, "I don't know the step," and it broke my heart. I walked through it again with them, and I tried to talk to her about it afterwards. She didn't want to talk about it, I think she was embarrassed she had started crying. We've been good friends ever since, though.

For Christmas, I got them all the Willow Tree Irish Dancer, because I want them to keep dancing forever. One girl, Cienna, gave me the cutest thank you note in the world. She told me in the note how much she loved dancing, that she practiced everyday, and that she loved me. It melted my heart to my toes. I love her. She is so tiny, and really shy. She loves reading, though, and so I gave her Ella Enchanted. That's my favorite book and she loved it. We would talk about it every week at dance until she finished it. The week I gave it to her, I was going to work right after dance. I waited for all the girls to be picked up and then started for work. Cienna, though, had just started walking instead of waiting for her parents to pick her up. I was driving along 126th when I saw her, this tiny girl, her nose in the book. It was so cute. I took her home, but it was still cute.

Every week that I teach them, I feel so blessed. I love them, each and every one, so much. I would go to the ends of the earth for any of them. I cannot wait until I have kids of my own that I can teach dance to. They say the funniest things and they all love dance so much. It's so fun to me to get to create the base for them, to tell them what Irish dancers do and how they walk on stage. It's so fun to watch them dance their steps and improve their leap 23's. I just love everything about it. It breaks my heart to think that I'll be leaving them soon, to another teacher. Luckily, we only have good teachers at ADC. It still breaks my heart, though, because their my little girls. I love them.

Can I vent for just two seconds?

Thanks. 

I am so sick of people. Can I just not talk to anyone for the two months before my mission, please? Don't text me, don't call me, don't expect me to drop my whole life and whatever I'm doing because you want to chat about what you're up to and how I'm doing. Do not ask me on a date, do NOT hold my hand, none of this please. Don't tell me how I'm messing up my life and living it wrong and making all the wrong choices. I am doing FINE. Yes, I pray everyday, about all the things you're telling me to pray about. Calm yourself down. I am FINE. I do not need you to tell me that every little thing I do is going to ruin my future and that I had better rethink and go back and pray about it. I do not need you telling me how excited I should be for my mission and I do not need you telling me that you want me to stay home from my mission. I don't, I promise. Just let me be. I'm twenty-years-old. I can handle it. And if I can't, then the mistakes I make, aren't they my mistakes to make? I mean, really. I'm not old, and probably not mature, but I'm trying. I try to do what I know is right, I try to keep up on everything, I try to help around the house, I try to help my friends (especially Jon) be better people, I try to follow the Spirit. I mess up, I know, but that's okay. It is. And also, I'm going on a mission. For sure. So freaking boys need to freaking leave me alone. 

That's all. Thanks for letting me rant. 

P.S. It's probably okay if Jon talks to me. And Ashley and Tayler. And my dance class. But that's it. No one else. Sorry. See ya in two years?

Big news!

I'm engaged! I even have a ring.
Okay, so maybe I'm not actually engaged. But I still have a ring, and he is my best friend.

I've been missing Jeremy tons lately. I think it's because I went on a double date with his brother Zac. It was eerily similar in a lot of ways to Jeremy and my double dating days. It almost made me want to cry.

The new semester starts on Monday (SLCC starts a week later than everyone else?), but I can't take classes. Finals aren't until the first week of May and I leave the first week of April. I am taking three institute classes, though, which I'm really excited about. I'm extra excited because they're at night, which means I won't close at work hardly ever anymore. I love the people who close, but I am not a fan of actually closing ...

It'll be nice to have a little bit of time. My schedule is still pretty busy, but it's way more open than last semester, plus I don't have homework to worry about. Halle-freakin-lujah.

And, I started my application to BYU. I am applying for Spring semester, and I hope, hope, hope with all my heart to get in. If I do, the I'll defer and go there Winter semester after my mission. If not, then I'll apply for Winter semester when I get home and hopefully get in then. Oh, it would so great if I could go there and be on their folk dance team.

That's my life right now. Yep, it's basically the same as before. And I still like it.

I've had my moments ...

Have you ever heard the song Moments by Emerson? I used to listen to the words and wonder ... have I had my moments?

"Moments"

I was coming to the end of a long, long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I've had my moments

 

I always wanted to do something ... grand. Something big, and important. I think we all feel that way at times.And I always felt that I had failed. I hadn't had my moments, I hadn't ever done anything that would ever matter. Today, though, I realized something. I think I have them more than I ever knew before. 

Every time I run two miles without stopping, even though the whole time, I want to quit. 

Every time I reach another thousand words while writing. 

Every time I don't snap at someone when I'm upset. 

Every time I smile at a customer when we're three hours behind closing at work. 

Every time actually practice dance on my own. 

Every time I concentrate on my scripture study and really learn. 

Every time I do something hard, even though it's small, that's a victory for me. Usually, no one knows about it. In fact, my biggest triumphs happen when I'm completely alone. I will never get a medal or receive applause or become famous by doing any of these things. But that's not why I do them; I don't want that, because then, it wouldn't be as true a victory for me. When I do these hard things, just for me and no one else, just because it's hard, that's when it's my moment. 

So yeah, I've had my moments.