No need to say goodbye ...

I do this thing when I'm driving at night by myself, where I find songs that are ... more melancholy. Not depressing, just a little bit sad. Slower. The kind that make you sigh. It's one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. 

On Monday night, I was driving home in the dark, by myself. Just like I've done every Monday for the past three years (the years before that, we had dance at various times and days, and also my mom drove me). As I was driving, though, I couldn't help but think about all the years of driving home from dance I've had. Especially driving home's like the one I was experiencing right at that particular moment. 

 I remember driving home always feeling simply on top of the world. The thing about my dance class is we don't only go to dance and dance, we go to dance and laugh so hard we can't breathe. We work hard together, but we also laugh hard together. You know that great feeling you get after you work out? And you know the most wonderful feeling in the world of laughing for two hours straight? That's what dance is, those two feelings combined. 

My senior year of high school, when I was done with school and living at home and everything seniors get tired of (life in general, mostly), dance is where I turned. Literally. I would sit in class (all of which, at that point, were so pointless, just in case anyone was wondering) and write out our dances, or count them out in my head. I would even, sometimes, pull out my iPod and just listen to the songs, dancing the dances in my head. That's what I would do at work, too. Because I did custodial work and it was always the same route, everyday for three years, I didn't have to think much about what I was doing, so I would put the dance music playing on my iPod and go through the dances, one at a time. I pretty much choreographed my section of couples at work. 

Dance was the very best thing about high school for me, followed shortly by my few really good friends and the many dates I went on. But dance was the best. 

Then, when I was a senior, I got into BYU-Idaho and I really wanted to go. I was scared to death of moving away and I was sad to leave everything, but I was stoked. I had roommates, that I was friends with on Facebook already, and classes and housing and everything. And I was stoked. But, thinking about leaving dance made me cry. All the time. Jeremy told me he thought I was too attached. He didn't understand how much a part of me dance had become. 

I would drive home the last couple of months and weeks from dance and cry, every week. I would think, I only have three more weeks of this and then it's over. And it broke my heart, more than I can say. 

Then, for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't want to leave dance and the opportunity to teach dance, I decided I would go to UVU. I remember Katelyn Duncan's last dance performance, up at Payson. It would have been mine too, if I hadn't decided what I'd decided. She cried, of course. It made me cry, watching her cry and knowing that I wouldn't have to leave. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNsQewlFtEs

When I was ten, I was in both ballet and Irish. After a year of that, I had to choose between the two. I chose Irish. I used to always say it was the best decision I'd ever made in my life. Actually, though, UVU was, because these past three years of dancing have been the best of my life. I love my dance class so much. 

Now, I'm going off and doing more stuff in life. I'd be leaving anyways, what with my now-on-hold mission call. That was the only part of putting in my papers that was hard--knowing I'd have to leave dance. With BYU and getting married and hopefully the folk dance team and work, I don't know if I'm going to have time for dance anymore. I definitely want to keep teaching my little girls. I don't know what will happen next year. 

I do know, though, that no matter what, dance will always be a huge part of me. My dance classes and dance teachers have impacted me more than they will ever know. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for all them. Especially my Hot Tamales. 

I might stop dancing soon. And you know what? It breaks my heart just as much now as it did three years ago to think about it. Breaks my heart. 

Dance does that to a person.