Charlotte, North Carolina

That was definitely not what I was expecting. I think I was expecting a foreign mission; I admit, I am a bit relieved that it isn't. I would have gone willingly, but I am glad to be in the U.S. and to be English speaking. I like the sound of North Carolina. I don't know much about it, but I do know that it feels great knowing I'll be going there. And my aunt is right, it fits me. Charly in North Carolina. Yep.

The most surprising, and I admit, a little bit unwelcomed, part was finding out that I won't be leaving until April 3. That seems like forever away. And it was NOT what I was planning. As I'm learning more and more  in my life, though, is that Heavenly Father's plan is not always the same as ours, but His is always the right one. I know I can count on that.

The thing is, when I heard that I could leave right now on a mission, my first thought was, now I can leave and get back close to the same time as Jeremy. Honest, that was the first thing I thought. And I figured, if I left in January, I would get home about six months after him. That's not too long, two and a half years. That's not even really enough time for him to get married. I mean, he could, but it's also short enough that he could wait those couple months.

Now, though, I won't get home until almost a year after Jeremy. That means I will go three years without seeing him. I know, that really isn't that long, and he's my cousin. And we can write to each other. And we'll both be busy. And the time will fly by. And blah blah blah, blah blah. Honestly, I don't care about any of that. All I really want is to see my best friend. I still miss him everyday, even though it's been almost a year since he's been gone. Every day. He really is more than a best friend to me; he is my other half and I hate being apart from him. I hate it more than anything in the world. When I saw April third, a piece of me wanted to cry.

There are some great things about that. I can keep dancing for a while longer, which is really nice. And I can save up more money. And, most importantly, now I will most likely get to be here for my mom's wedding, which is such a happy thing.

But ... I still just want to leave. I want to go, right now. And I want to get back. I want to see Jeremy.

I was thinking on my drive home today about something my friend Quinn said when we were talking about the age change. He noted that a lot of girls who weren't going to go before now were, and said something to the effect of "now that it's convenient for them .." That statement made me pause; I have already done a blog post all about how 'convenient' it is for me to now serve a mission. I know that the Lord has been preparing my life so that I would be able to go out and serve. However, I wanted to just leave as soon as I could, because that was "convenient" for me. Now the Lord is asking me to wait, five months. That means it's only seven months sooner than I could have gone before the age change and that really doesn't seem like that long to me.

But, I have to ask myself, am I willing anyways? Am I okay to say to the Lord, I trust you. Do I trust Him enough to go, and to be okay with it? So Jeremy could get married while I'm gone, without me there. And I won't see him for a very long time. Two more years. When he left, I thought, Two years is soooo long. How can I go two years without Jeremy? Now I'm back to that same thought. But the thing is, oh well. Oh well if Jeremy gets married without me there. He and I will always be friends and he'll just have to take lots of pictures. Oh well that I won't see him, we CAN still write and we're both doing what we're supposed to be doing.

I don't think people really understand when I tell them that Jeremy is my best friend. Explaining to people how closely bonded I am with Jeremy is like trying to explain to people how much a part of me dance is. For the most part, they don't really get it. But Jeremy and I have a friendship deeper than words, and we always will. I love Richard G. Scott's talk from April 2011. He talks about his wife quite a bit and ends by saying, "I am confident that when, in our future, I see her again beyond the veil, we will recognize that we have become even more deeply in love. We will appreciate each other even more, having spent this time separated by the veil." I love that. And I think, though it's a different context and even a different kind of relationship, I can say that I too am confident that I will see Jeremy soon, and that when we do see each other, we will realize that we appreciate each other even more have spent this time apart. We will have our testimonies strengthened, and we will be stronger people. I know that I am already that way in the year since he left and I can only imagine what the next two years, with preparing for and going on, a mission will do, and who I will become. I am excited to see, and I cannot wait until the time when I can show Jeremy that as well.